Hurry up and wait...and wait...and WAIT, we're not ready!
In support of
Brian Hoehler
View Support Page
Brian Hoehler
Today, it begins.
We have waited and waited for this day. There have been so many appointments, tests, scans, consultations, decisions, insurance questions, financial concerns, phone calls, waiting rooms, and so many moments of simply wondering, “What happens next?”
And now we at least know the very next step.
Radiation treatments begin today.
Chemotherapy begins tomorrow.
What a surreal statement to make. Facts for sure, I mean, it's clearly right there on all the calendars...reality...what does that even mean?!?
Knowing the "beginning" (43 days later) is here doesn't make the road ahead any less unknown.
Radiation treatments begin today.
Chemotherapy begins tomorrow.
What a surreal statement to make. Facts for sure, I mean, it's clearly right there on all the calendars...reality...what does that even mean?!?
Knowing the "beginning" (43 days later) is here doesn't make the road ahead any less unknown.
This is a journey we never expected, could not prepare for, and certainly would never have chosen.
It feels like we just jumped in the car in the middle of the night with no plans, no map, no directions, nothing packed, and this might even seem like an adventure, except that we are
blindfolded, with our hands tied, and are forced to trust the next step.
We are ready.
We are determined.
We keep saying this to each other...but it always seems to end with a slight question mark at the end.
It feels like we just jumped in the car in the middle of the night with no plans, no map, no directions, nothing packed, and this might even seem like an adventure, except that we are
blindfolded, with our hands tied, and are forced to trust the next step.
We are ready.
We are determined.
We keep saying this to each other...but it always seems to end with a slight question mark at the end.
We know there will be hard days. We know treatment will take a toll. We know there will be exhaustion, pain, nausea, difficulty swallowing, and the very real possibility that eating will become difficult enough that Brian will need his feeding tube. There will be days when we don't recognize our normal life.
But what do we know really? Turns out that this IS in fact our first rodeo!
And that's another part of this that has been difficult to process.
But what do we know really? Turns out that this IS in fact our first rodeo!
And that's another part of this that has been difficult to process.
Our whole life is different.
The things we have spent years building, a whole lifetime really...our family routines, our work, our ministry, our church, Table of Hope, our plans, our responsibilities, the things we thought we would be doing right now and the things we thought we would be doing six months from now, all of it has had to be handed over.
It's such an easy thing to say to someone else..."delegate"... "let others carry your burdens"..."let me know how we can help"...WE know it is heartfelt, WE have said and meant these things a million times... and yet that has felt frightening.
You never realize how heavy you are until others have to carry you.
It's such an easy thing to say to someone else..."delegate"... "let others carry your burdens"..."let me know how we can help"...WE know it is heartfelt, WE have said and meant these things a million times... and yet that has felt frightening.
You never realize how heavy you are until others have to carry you.
BUT then we remember how light others have felt when we were blessed to carry them. It is a joy, a blessing, and a privilege. My friend Micky (who fought her own battle and sadly passed away many years ago) used to say, "Don't steal other's blessings, let them help you!"
And so we must trust that this is true for us also.
Trusting God when we don't understand.
Trusting the doctors and the treatment plan when we don't know what the next few weeks will bring.
And trusting people. So many incredible people who have stepped into our lives and said, in one way or another, “You don't have to carry this by yourselves.”
That has been one of the most humbling parts of this entire experience.
Trusting the doctors and the treatment plan when we don't know what the next few weeks will bring.
And trusting people. So many incredible people who have stepped into our lives and said, in one way or another, “You don't have to carry this by yourselves.”
That has been one of the most humbling parts of this entire experience.
We have been overwhelmed by your prayers.
By your messages.
By the people checking in.
By the meals, the encouragement, the practical help, the generosity, and the countless ways you have reminded us that we are loved.
And to everyone who has trusted us with a financial donation to help Brian and our family through this season, Thank you.
By your messages.
By the people checking in.
By the meals, the encouragement, the practical help, the generosity, and the countless ways you have reminded us that we are loved.
And to everyone who has trusted us with a financial donation to help Brian and our family through this season, Thank you.
There really aren't words big enough.
You have helped carry things we couldn't carry ourselves. You have given us the freedom to focus on Brian and on getting through each day without having to carry every financial worry at the same time.
We don't take a single bit of it for granted.
So today, we take the first step.
We don't know exactly what this road will look like.
We don't know how hard it will be.
We don't know what Brian will feel tomorrow, next week, or next month.
We don't know how our lives will look on the other side of this.
But we do know that we aren't walking it alone.
We don't take a single bit of it for granted.
So today, we take the first step.
We don't know exactly what this road will look like.
We don't know how hard it will be.
We don't know what Brian will feel tomorrow, next week, or next month.
We don't know how our lives will look on the other side of this.
But we do know that we aren't walking it alone.
That's what trust means to us today
Just knowing enough to take the next step.
Today, that step is radiation.
Tomorrow, it's chemotherapy.
And then we will keep taking the next step.
One day.
One treatment.
One prayer.
One breath.
One step at a time.
Thank you for walking with us.
Today, that step is radiation.
Tomorrow, it's chemotherapy.
And then we will keep taking the next step.
One day.
One treatment.
One prayer.
One breath.
One step at a time.
Thank you for walking with us.
Thank you for carrying us when we need to be carried.
Thank you for praying when we don't have the words to pray ourselves.
And thank you for reminding us, over and over again, that even in the middle of something we never would have chosen, there is still so much to be grateful for.
We are scared. We are hopeful. We are determined. We are humbled.
And above all, we are trusting.
Here we go. Get in the car, loser ❤️
(That's a family joke, none of you are losers ;) )
*My all-time favorite picture of Brian and us when we were just babies <3*
(That's a family joke, none of you are losers ;) )
*My all-time favorite picture of Brian and us when we were just babies <3*
Jalal Hoehler
26 days ago
Comments
Scarlethudson585 26 days ago
Marykeilholz 26 days ago
Mkinnett3344 26 days ago
Jalal Hoehler 26 days ago
Betsyjonesplvan 26 days ago
Jenny Williams 26 days ago
Jalal Hoehler 26 days ago
Robertsbethjames2004 26 days ago
Pokeyjoe89 26 days ago
Dale Crumbacher 26 days ago
Melanie Bardua 26 days ago
Nancydouglas725 26 days ago
Gcampbass 26 days ago
Marjean Wedig 26 days ago
Doris Gibbons 26 days ago
Susan Bennett 26 days ago
Tammy Simendinger 25 days ago
Linda Graf 25 days ago