To grieve over things you’ve hoped and prayed for that you know you’ll never have is a strange thing. To grieve over the loss of a person while they are still living is even more so. One minute you’re fine … you’re holding your daughter while watching your husband and son bond over a shared love for video games and the next minute … you’re not fine. Now, you’re looking down at your daughter realizing that you’ll never have that same experience. Joyful moments are often clouded with a bit of sadness as realization sinks in.

My mom and I have a special bond over our shared love for plants. When Charlie was less than a month old, we took him to Groovy Plants Ranch for his first “big” outing. We’ve taken him back countless times since, because he’s grown to love it, too. Yesterday, we all took Dottie. We had a great time. The weather was beautiful, and because we weren’t shopping for anything in particular, we took our time and enjoyed just wandering. It was a lot of fun. But at the end of the day, in the quiet of the evening, the realization sunk in and the wonderful day was clouded with a bit of sadness. 

Oh, Dottie girl. I want to teach you the difference between annuals and perennials. I want to teach you how to create balance in the way you mix different flowers, greenery, and vines to plant beautiful front porch pots. I want to teach you about soil types, and how some are better for succulents while others are better for houseplants. I want to help you pick out the perfect plants and the cutest pots for your room, and teach you how to care for them and keep them healthy and happy. I want to grow wildflowers with you, pick them, and arrange them into the most beautiful bouquets. Oh, Dottie girl, how I want the mother daughter bond over a shared love of plants with you.

Lord, let my heart find joy in simply being together with Dottie in the things that I love. Let the little smile that I saw on her face at Groovy yesterday be a memory that I carry with me whenever I’m there. And let the mother son bond that I have with Charlie over our shared love of plants grow deeper, as we continue to plant and grow things together. Help the moments of grief to pass quickly so that I can truly enjoy what I currently have.