Last week, we finally took down our Christmas tree, my mom took down our outside Christmas lights for us, and the city finally came and removed the mountain of leaves that had been in front of our house. All of these things had been there since November … before Dottie was born. If I’m being honest, I think it was starting to make me feel a little stuck. Stuck in the heaviness of the time spent in the NICU, the subsequent hospital stays and doctor’s appointments, and stuck in the waiting. I would see them and think, “we really need to deal with that”, and then something else would be more important. But, it was starting to stress me out. We needed a reset, and I’m glad we finally got it all cleaned up. 

Mike and I were blessed with a night away, and we came home after all of these things had been done and it truly does feel like a reset. Like we’re finally moving forward. Like we’re putting the past 3 months behind us and living life again. We’ve been going to church, we’ve been going to our Lifegroup, we’ve been visiting with family and friends, and we’ve been thinking about Dottie’s diagnosis as little as we possibly can. 

We’re still waiting on final pathology results. There was an error in the first attempt, so they’re being run again. But truthfully, right now, I don’t care. Normally, the waiting and uncertainty would stress me out, but it’s providing … quiet. We aren’t going to doctor’s appointments all the time. My phone isn’t ringing constantly. Life almost feels “normal”. Like how it might have been had everything with Dottie been “normal”. We’re savoring these moments. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still hard. Dottie’s having more and more seizures, now with the addition of Infantile Spasms. We’ve just started her on a third seizure med to hopefully help relieve some of those, but for now we have to watch as her little body fights through them. This is the reality of Aicardi Syndrome. Right now, we’re not seeing symptoms of her cancer, and we’re praying for that to be the case for as long as possible. We continue to wait to make any decisions regarding changes in her care until we have all of the information available. 

Charlie has started to struggle a bit with all that’s been going on. I think when Dottie was in the hospital and during her first month home, when everything was still crazy with appointments and hospital stays, it was just so different that he just rolled with the punches. For a four year old, he handled the situation incredibly well. Now that things are a little more settled, and everyone is consistently home as usual, I think he’s beginning to feel how different it really is. He’s not the only child anymore, and with Dottie’s special needs, she’s getting a lot more attention than he is. He’s feeling that, and he’s letting us know. Please be praying that we can find ways to make him feel special, and for his heart to recognize that we don’t love him any less or any differently than we did before Dottie. If anything, we love him even more, for the blessing that he is and the joy that he brings in this difficult time. I wish I could just sit and hold him and give him all of my attention, but one day, when I can again, I hope he’ll understand why I couldn’t right now. 

So, while there’s really not “a lot” going on right now, it’s still a lot to process. A lot of worries, a lot of uncertainty, a lot of heartache. But still, a lot of joy, and a lot of God winks. A lot of watching God move in mind-boggling ways, and a lot of wondering how He’s using all of this for His glory behind the scenes. He’s connecting dots in crazy ways and showing us that our story is way bigger than just us. I’m looking forward to one day seeing His plan come to fruition. 

Prayer requests:

We couldn’t do this without all of you. Thank you for the continued love and support and the countless prayers going up on our family’s behalf.