It's has been a lovely month overall, since my last update, filled with excitement and fun, and also with several big bumps in the road. As we navigate further on the hospice journey, we're coming to expect the bumps so they shock us a little less, and yet, they still hurt. We are also able to learn what specific things we need help with, and are forever grateful when our support system really shows up for us.

An...interesting?... adventure Adam and I tackled was spending hours going through $1,500 😲 worth of Amazon packages I mistakenly ordered when I was experiencing a brain tumor that I didnt realize was impacting my frontal lobe in the days prior to my surgery, and then more orderjng when I was high as a kite in the hospital 🫠😅 We literally had days where 5+ deliveries came in one day. Very embarrassing... 🙃 our neighbors probably thought we were insane. While have relied heavily on delivery and online ordering because I can no longer drive and run errands like I used to, but this was beyond excessive to say the least! For example, I ordered four sets of bedsheets 🤣😩 It took Adam and me HOURS to sort everything and then my mom and I spent an hour at UPS, just returning it all. The guys working asked me if I was crazy and I was like welllll actually.... and they got to hear my story 😅

The kids had a great Halloween going trick or treating with our neighborhood crew!! Unfortunately, I only made it down the street before I felt too dizzy and unstable to walk further. Thankfully these kids have the best dad and friends who kept going with them! 🎃 And then, obviously, we put up all our Christmas stuff the first weekend of November! 🎄

The next day was the most amazing and beautiful benefit, organized for us by our 4SDC Family. These women pulled off a massive event in only one months time. Seeing the dance studio completely full of people there to support Callie and our family brought tears to our eyes. All proceeds were put in Callies dance account, to continue supporting her dance career for years to come!! We are blessed to be surrounded by this uplifting and supportive group of friends. By Sunday night, though, I could barely move my body. It's been a while since I've been in tears over my pain (when you experience pain daily, your judgement is very relative) but I was in tears for the next 48 hours. I spent most of the time in bed and am so grateful to Adam and my mom for caring for our kids, so I could sleep and rest as much as possible.

At my nurse visit that week, she informed me that she and the doctor diagnosed me with "hyperhidrosis" which is a side effect caused by the pancreatic tumor, and is an indicator that my pancreas might becoming more "involved" as that tumor grows. It essentially comes down to constant sweating- fun! 🫠🙃 Those who know me already know I'm kind of a Sweaty Betty, but this is beyond anything I've experienced - walking around the house and tidying up leaves me looking like I just did an hour of intense exercise. It's to the point that I have to change clothes or pajamas 2-3 times a day 🥲🤢

Thankfully, all the resting that week paid off, and the rest of the week went really well. I got my first in-home hospice massage 😍 and it felt great. It was no full-body-spa style massage 😅 but it did help!

Back down the roller coaster I went, as I ended up with the flu just a few days after that. Holy wow, I was SICK. I spent 48 hours straight in bed, only getting up to use the bathroom/shower. I hated missing even more time with my family, while I was trying to get better.

Then back up the roller coaster we went as Geno started his new hockey clinic with WBL which has been so fun to watch!! And we threw Callie's super fun birthday party this past weekend. We hosted 25 girls 🤪 for a spa day filled with manicures (thanks Gramma and Aunt Erin!), face masks, and DIY bejeweled mirrors 🪞✨️ I could have never pulled this off without the help of my sisters, Ahnnica, and a couple fabulous dance mom friends who offered to come over and help! Then, to add the neurotic icing to the birthday cake - we flipped the house in 30 min and hosted our family in the same day 🙃 I knew my body wouldnt respond well to all this which would make hosting on Sunday nearly impossible for me, so Callie said, go big or go home! And we did it all in one day - whew!

And, damn, was I right that my body wasn't going to respond well. Despite me really trying to take it easy and relying heavily on our amazing helpers, my body said a big "f... off" to me in response. Last update I said it had been a while since my pain has brought tears to me eyes. Unfortunately, that's becoming more common. My hospice nurse reminds me that I'm going to have to "pick and choose" where to spend my time and limited energy reserves these days because they will deplete faster and I will need several recoup days after any events like this. As someone who loves to host fun events and gatherings, this is the hardest lesson to accept 😟

Witnessing my body decline and be able to tolerate less and less of normal life, is the most horrible experience. While I'm not necessarily scared of dying, I am terrified this part - having to accept that I can't participate in as much of my kids lives. Being here without actually being able to "be here". It all goes against my gut instinct as a mom. I started sleeping more, so I no longer wake up for the morning routine & bus stop, and often am napping now during play time or movie nights. All I can do is express gratitude for Adam, for taking this all on the best he can and knowing our family will be here for them always. Our kids have been so gracious, understanding, and compassionate about this - and I wish they didn't have to be 😥

I'm so proud of my family for all we are navigating and remaining hopeful, kind, resilient, and loving. 🫶🏼👏🏼 Thank you all for following this bumpy ride with us! Meal calendar is updated and we are back to normal in our kitchen 🤣 you all fed us for an entire month - we only shopped for a couple fruits and veggies here and there!! Amazing. We are so grateful!

🩷 Elizabeth