It's a long one... October has been a journey. And I talk a lot. Sorry not sorry 😂🙃

It's been four weeks since my neurosurgery to remove a horcrux in my frontal lobe and there's been many ups and many downs - the roller coaster lives on! 🎢 

I got my sutures removed about a week and a half after surgery and it was far easier than I was expecting!! There's one scabby spot left but the rest of the incision is fully healed! Many of you have been following mine and Callie's Justin Timberlake concert saga - at my appointment, my neurosurgeon cleared me to attend the concert with Callie!! I was so so excited. Unfortunately, last week, we learned that JT canceled several Midwest shows due to illness and vocal strain. The reschedule date was not until February and, well, the harsh reality is I won't be here then. So instead of the exciting news of me being able to go with her, we had to tell her that the concert was canceled. Lots of tears were shed 😥

Since then, we've been busy planning for our Vow Renewal Ceremony. I'm really hoping I feel well enough to celebrate and enjoy the day & evening with our friends and family. Adam took a leave of absence from work for a few weeks, and we spent time driving all around collecting decor items I thrifted and found on Facebook Marketplace! We have a whole crew of volunteers helping us, and also team of vendors who are donating their services and/or their time, and we are so very grateful for them. We wouldn't be able to pull this off in a month without their support and care for us 🥰

Speaking of support, our dance family at 4SDC have shown up and shown out by planning an entire benefit for us in under a month!! ALL proceeds from the benefit, as well as Cheeky Lisa t-shirts and sweatshirts, will go directly in to Callie's 4SDC account to continue funding her dance career. As Adam adjusts to parenting on a single income, this financial coverage for competitive dance will be SO beneficial. Tickets are on sale for just 2 more days at the 4SDC Front Desk!! Tickets are $20 and gets you a catered meal from Donatellis and entry in to cash prizes!

Finally, we spent time with my colleagues-turned-friends at my "retirement party"; I had the best time seeing everyone and watching all our children play together! I love this group of people and am forever grateful to have them in our lives.

In the midst of all this planning and excitement, there's been equal amount of hardships. My body continues to betray me on the daily by not doing everything I want it to do, and that feeling is the most cruel of punishments for someone who likes to be on the go and get things done! I continue to practice slowing down, listening to my body, and give my body what it needs. We also continue working on finding a med balance between managing pain but not being totally out of it. It's ever-changing as my tumors progress. At first, my kidneys were the culprit, as there are tumors in both. Now, the tumors in my pectoral muscle & trapezius muscle are being the tricky ones as they keep growing. My nurse brought lidocaine patches and those work super well but I can only use them 12 hours out of every day. So I have to pick and choose if I want relief during the day or at bedtime. 

I'm still getting used to not working and not going to several appointments each week (or... each day 🙃). Our kids carry on by riding the waves of this journey. While there are certainly really hard days where we are all dysregulated and struggling with our reality, there are moments of peace, connection, and love that overpower the heartache. Sometimes our kids have more clarity and balance than we do - we went to Lutsen last weekend and Callie and Geno quickly came to the realization that this was likely our last family vacation and our last time at the North Shore together. We were in our favorite place, yet things felt mixed up and the feelings & behaviors were big; ambiguous grief is so hard to navigate. Through all this, Callie spoke with maturity and confidence about how my spirit will live on, and every time they visit Lutsen, I'll still be there in their hearts and minds and memories 💚 I love that she knows this and feels comforted by it.

Overall, it's been a rocky, busy month. We are practicing lots of radical acceptance and taking things day by day. As someone who used to memorize my weekly to-dos and know my schedule weeks in advance, it's so funny (not actually funny but in a "if i don't laugh, I'll cry" kind of funny 🙃) that I truly don't know what's happening beyond the present moment. I have to write everything down or I *will not* remember it. Our calendar is a mess and I have about 8 Google Docs with Adam where we write down everything to try and keep it organized in our minds.

Thank you all for the amazing meals and donations this month - we are grateful beyond measure. We are finally making our way through freezer meals and our counters are clean again!! If you are signed up for a meal delivery, we are ready to begin accepting those again; however please do not bring extra freezer meals to us or my parents unless you are signed up for a meal delivery, as we still have freezer meals to fill in the gaps. While we SO appreciated all of the donations, we had been receiving more food than we could eat, and in this economy especially, we don't want to be wasting any!! We also love receiving breakfast or lunch meals, and with me being home all day now, drop off times can be any time. If you plan to come by outside of the dinner schedule, please text me at 651-485-3125 to make a plan.

Thank you all for continuing to show up for us. We feel the outpouring of love and are blessed beyond measure.

With love and gratitude, 
Elizabeth and Adam