As many of you know, we were recently gifted a 3-night stay at Grand View Lodge through a MN nonprofit called "I'm Not Done Yet"; INDY for short. We are so excited to go the day after Christmas (it's a secret for the kids so, shh...)! I've kind of adopted that phrase, I'm not done yet, in my daily life and even found myself saying this during my hospice meeting last week with my nurse and social worker. We were discussing my pain levels, mostly in my left shoulder where there are at least two large tumors wreacking havoc on my entire left arm, shoulder, and neck. They both tsk tsk-ed me (is that a verb? Well, I'm making it a verb.) over my pain levels being high without meds and still there in the background even with meds. She asked why I wasn't taking the meds more often and I said - I'm not done yet.

I'm not ready to go, yet. I'm not ready to leave my children and husband, yet. I don't feel at peace with this whole thing, yet. My stubbornness is out full force but if I can keep regulating my mental health (for the most part) and be a good mom for my kids (again, for the most part 😅), why would I want to be sleeping/out of it more often? If I can tolerate the pain and keep going, why not do that?
Is it comfortable? Nope.
Is it easy? Nope. 
Am I going to keep going? Yep.

I'm not done yet.

Although sometimes challenging, and often times exhausting, this life is too beautiful to leave yet. We are having too much fun with our kids as they grow in to this next phase of childhood. We are having too much fun introducing them to all the classic movies from our childhood (which they LOVE by the way! Geno's request for our movie night last weekend was "A Christmas Story" 🥹✊🏼😅). We are having too much fun teaching them how to play board games and card games. We are having too much fun going on adventures. I am loving this life too much to say goodbye.

I'm not done yet.

So, through the challenges of the last few weeks - canceling our vow renewal ceremony due to my pain/fatigue levels increasing, trying to get through a long weekend of having the kids home (which means I get less rest - okay with me but challenging to my body), and all the typical things we have on our plates like sports and house projects, we have navigated the best we could. It's bumpy and clunky but we are finding balance where we can.

We've had a lot of added support in the last few weeks. Our friends and family have continued to show up, helping us pack and then unpack 🙄 all the ceremony decor, selling and donating it back, and taking care of our kids during all of this. And these dance moms?! I can't even 😭🫶🏼 They have continued to give Callie rides to and from dance 3-4 times a week every. single. week.

Meals and meal gift cards have continued to be the most helpful thing, especially now that I cannot drive anywhere for groceries (shout out to the most amazing target shoppers, Amy & Eric - yes we are on a first name basis because I have to order everything via delivery 😅) and  and our week days are increasingly busy as Geno gets going in the hockey season. It's a rare day when I feel well enough in the evening to cook dinner; usually by 5pm I am tapped out, and Adam is too busy getting the kids where they need to go. We are so grateful for every type of support we receive, and I, really and truly, do not know what we would be doing without it.

Due to all your generosity, I have been able to rest at home, we've had to purchase less groceries, Christmas gifts, etc which has allowed us to continue working on our half-done home projects even though I'm no longer bringing in income, and you've allowed Adam time off to spend with us (he's only averaging about part-time hours right now due to doing both before school and after school kid duty). We are incredibly humbled every time we receive such support. You all are the reason I'm not done yet 🫶🏼

-Elizabeth