Eva is still in the hospital and today was an extremely difficult day as a mom. We left the house yesterday morning at 4:15 AM. Eva has been in a ton of pain so I haven’t slept much, we then spent the day at the hospital getting admitted and coming up with a plan for coverage for her. You see, I am the Mama of two kiddos and I love them both more than words can say, so when James had qualified for state on track I had promised him I would be there. Being in the kid business, I know that the most important thing for a kiddo is not whether they win the race, but if their people are there to cheer them on. 
Will had to spray some acreage before he could come to the hospital last night, so he didn’t make it to Children’s Mercy until late evening and we (Mom, Dad and I) couldn’t leave until he got there. When we finally pulled in my driveway, it was almost 11 and I made them promise to get me picked up by 6:30 this morning to get to Wichita and watch James. We arrived at the stadium and got to watch the girls run the 4x800 and then watch James’ team run hard. I had promised Eva that I would FaceTime her when he ran, because she was supposed to be there and couldn’t. As I went to FaceTime her, she sent me a text that she was on her way to her MRI and my heart plummeted. 
See, here I am trying to cheer on my son, with tears streaming down my face because I know how scared she is and her scans were supposed to be Monday, which I had promised to ask her followers to wear an Evastrong shirt for Monday. James finished his race and did an absolutely amazing job, then we got up to give our seats to the extremely rude woman behind us and I headed down to the stadium entrance and lost my whole everything. I was standing in the WSU stadium bawling like a baby and shaking like a leaf.
 I know that parents have to choose to be with one child rather than the other for many different reasons all of the time but for a few minutes I was just angry. Angry that we couldn’t experience today as a family. Angry that I couldn’t hold myself together and just cheer for James, I had to be praying for Eva the whole time too. Angry that as I found the SE track team, I couldn’t be cheerful and happy, I just grabbed them by the hands and we prayed for Eva. 
This isn’t fair. I know life isn’t fair and parenting is hard, but the decisions we have had to make as a family and with our children are too much. James is my quiet, stoic guy, but I see when he is struggling and his teachers do too. I can’t be at everything he does. He doesn’t get to hang out with celebrities and do special things. He just quietly takes on more responsibilities and changes his life to accommodate Eva and that makes me angry too. He even gave up Basketball to help transport Eva. He looks to the stands or audience every time he does something and although someone is always there shouting his name, it isn’t always his parents and his sister. I cried like a baby with those SE track kids and I am sure I mortified my son, but he quietly walked over to me, wrapped me in his arms and told me he loves me. 
Cancer sucks. Cancer might suck extra for the siblings of the cancer kiddo. William and I are working hard to not lose a child, James is working hard to not lose a sister and dealing with the loss of his parents more than he should. So tonight, this update is about James. 
James is amazing. He ran the 4x800 and their team had some struggles so he didn’t place, but he walked through the door tonight and went out for a run. SE is an amazing school, but it is very difficult to make being in Ag, upper level math classes, and band work, so James spent last year and will spend this coming year taking online classes independently so that he can continue to work towards his dreams. James is one of only two students left in the running for Valedictorian of his class and wants more than anything to be at the top of his class for scholarships and to become a vet. James is running each day, wanting to work for spending money, and caring for all of our fair projects because Eva isn’t allowed to be in the hog pen while in active treatment. James is the first one to hold me as I cry, the first one to get me up to make me go through the day, and I am pretty sure tied with Eva to be the strongest person I know. He is witty and smart and I wish I could bottle him up and keep him with me forever, but I can’t. 
I have two kiddos and right now, in this valley, I feel like neither one of them is getting to experience being a kid like they should nor getting the life I had dreamed for them when I held them for the first time. Momming is hard and on days like today, it is heart shattering. Please continue to pray for Eva. She had scans, but we don’t have results yet and her face is still extremely swollen. Having an inoperable tumor pressing on your sinuses is a crummy deal. Pray for James. He deserves so much more than he is getting and that breaks my heart. 
Although it is hard, I can’t help but think, how blessed I am to be raising my two heroes.

#Evatstrong #Fightlikeachristian #healeva #whataboutjames