The journey so far (for those who haven't heard the story)

In May I was diagnosed with Colorectal cancer.  There was a lot of anger at first, as I had only one symptom: blood in the stool.  I always told my medical providers, and they always said not to worry, it was hemorrhoids.   After losing the baby, I got to know a doctor who really believes in the medical system (as I usually chose providers who confirm my own biases; that most things can be healed outside of the mainstream medical model).  She ordered me a colonoscopy, and the surgeon found a large tumor (stage IIIb).   Panic ensued, but I had learned a lot about how to advocate in the medical system while working as a care manager for seniors.  So I began managing my own care.  I also had a retired NP family friend come with me to advocate and help me remember which appointments I needed to make and who I should call to try to get in sooner for scans (Thanks Cindy!). It's a chaotic process and that support was invaluable.

 My first scans were terrifying, because I have always avoided these things at all costs.  I hated that I had to be there. Nearly any other disease I am equipped to defend and heal from with other modalities.   But not cancer.   Cancer is the one thing I have known to kill people who choose other modalities and avoid mainstream medicine. 

In that week between finding out I had cancer, and learning that it had not metastasized, I became really intimate with my own mortality.  There's beauty in that harrowing experience.  I can't explain it without being excessively wordy, and this is meant to be a summary so I'll spare that. 

Anyway, the nurses and technicians make the experience tolerable; they have all been extraordinarily kind and helpful... the people doing the scheduling, not so much (they should probably get paid more so they are happier and can be more helpful).  

I started my care at MarinHealth, but was soon informed about an Integrative Oncologist at UCSF who specializes in Young Onset GI cancers and codirects the nation's first integrative program for young onset GI cancer (Dr Chloe Atreya, shes awesome).    
With a deeply engrained distrust in the system, I knew I needed to find a doctor I could trust to take care of my whole self, because it was going to take a degree of surrender that I am still trying to access.  So I had a second opinion from Chloe, and immediately transferred my oncology care there.  

I began radiation at Marinhealth, combined with an oral chemotherapy, in early July.  This meant going for radiation treatment every day.  It started out really gently, with no side effects.  By week 5, I started feeling really tired and heavy in my body, as well as extremely hot.  Week 6 was the final week of treatment, and it came with a huge headache that didn't go away until yesterday, and made the other little aches so much worse.  Week 7 has been the worst of the weeks by far, as the radiation accumulates post-treatment.   Although, nearing the end of week 7 I am feeling significantly better (auspiciously woke up feeling well for the first time on the day of the Baby Blessing).

Today I am getting more CT scans to confirm that there has been no metastasis.  I imagine this will be a less traumatizing experience than the first scans, as scans are pretty normal after receiving one every day during radiation.  Strange how quickly things can normalize.

I'll update after my next oncology visit, when I know what comes next.

Thanks for being here,
Angela