Scans

Brief update: 
My scans came back suspicious- there is a tiny spot on my liver and a nodule on my lungs.  I went for an MRI on Sunday morning to hopefully get a clearer picture of my liver, but it’s still unclear.  Possibly it’s just a normal dense spot of my liver, and nodules on the lungs are fairly common.  Possibly the cancer has spread.  My doctor is taking my case to the board on Wednesday (leading experts at UCSF) to see about next steps forward. 

It’s impossible to describe the feeling of this level of uncertainty;  except that it feels so human.  It makes me realize that, for most of our evolution as a species, every day was filled with this level of uncertainty.  We never knew if all of our loved ones would come back from the hunt; we didn’t know if we’d gathered enough stores to make it through the winter.  When we live adjacent to unknown outcomes, we feel more connected to every present moment because we can recognize how precious they are and how quickly things can change. 
I’m re-remembering to lean more deeply into the practices I’ve spent a lifetime cultivating; and how rich it is becoming.   
A dear friend wrote in a card “… as you gather to yourself all that you are becoming”… I am using this precious moment to reexamine what I’m gathering and who I’m becoming and it just keeps getting better.