Happy early birthday to me, it seems! 

The oncotyping of the tumors came back today. Oncotyping identifies the risk of recurrence and spread and is on a scale of 0-100. Anything from about 20 and up would indicate a need for chemotherapy. My oncotype came back at a lovely ZERO. 

While I was undoubtedly happy with this news, it left the question of what do we do with that unclear margin that was left behind? Well, it seems that the team may have made the decision to move forward with radiation therapy. 

I have very mixed feelings about this - and feelings that have not been well validated in much of the "community" of breast cancer patients and survivors. I am hesitant about radiation because I've heard it can have some significant impacts on the reconstructed tissue - shrinkage, burning, scarring, etc. I went through a significant, traumatic, 8.5 hour surgery to remove breast tissue and then reconstruct breasts using my abdominal tissue. Healing has been slow, exhausting, painful, frustrating, and emotionally impactful. I'm trying to embrace and appreciate my new body...and now I have to face the chance that it might change again. Sure I have options for revisions - but that's more surgery, more pain, more recovery. More reminders of cancer. 

I also don't know if they're going to allow me to fully heal before we start treatments or if I'll be thrown into it right away. Honestly, I'm not sure my body could take laying there still as a board for however long the session takes in its current state. I can't lay flat with my stomach incision right now, I can't lift my arm over my head, etc. 

I'm not looking forward to debilitating fatigue. I don't think anyone realizes how absolutely worthless I've felt as I've tried to recover from this surgery - to not do anything around the house, to not clean or cook or help with laundry. And it's going to be worse with radiation?! 

I don't know, I guess I'm just a bit all over the place today with all this news. I still see my medical oncologist on Friday and now I'm scheduled to see my radiation oncologist on the 17th. I'll give updates after each of those meetings.