Chemo 1: Afraid, but not alone
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The Castillo Family
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The Castillo Family
The guilt. The shame. The relentless questions.
What did I do wrong?
Why me?
Why now?
What’s the point of trying to make sense of it?
The ache shows up uninvited—
especially in the quiet, inconvenient moments,
and sometimes when I’m smiling, pretending it’s all okay.
I will fight.
But oh, how I wish I didn’t have to fight.
I’m afraid.
I don’t want this to be my story.
I want to close my eyes and rewind—
back to the moment before the “C” word shattered everything.
Now my life is divided: before and after.
But even in this valley, I remember.
God has carried me through shadowed places before.
When I was five, trapped in a spinning car,
His unseen hand kept us from going over the overpass.
When my scuba gear stopped working 40 feet below the surface,
He became the breath in my lungs.
When my kidney and body failed,
His arms became my resting place.
When doctors said I might never become a mother,
He whispered, You are My child, and then gave me life to hold.
When postpartum depression clouded my world,
His presence broke through the fog.
This isn’t the first mountain.
It won’t be the last.
But I know the One who walks ahead of me.
I know who holds me now.
And I am not alone.
Prayers requests
For the boys. We have been sharing with the boys more of what’s to come. Pray for their little brains to understand that mommy has to get sicker before she gets better. Teddy has been more sensitive and worried lately. Pray that they feel secure and safe.
Strength for Alex. Physical, emotional and mental stamina as he has to work while I’m at the majority of my appointments. It’s been hard on both of us not being together for key moments.
That my remaining lymph nodes function normally. There’s not a lot we can do to prevent or reverse the first signs of lymphedema, right now. This is due to the cancer that’s still in those lymph nodes. Aggravating them with drainage, could cause the cancer to spread further. Bug bites, sunburn and small “micro wounds” like a scratch are small but mighty injuries that could kickstart lymphedema. I’m connected with a wonderful specialist and meeting with her every other week. Pray specifically that it would be kept at bay. It would be wonderful to not worry about one more thing, right now.
For my heart. That I am filled with courage and to receive help without feeling shame. It’s hard not to feel like a burden these days both emotionally and tangibly. This is a very long road and I’m dependent on others for a lot, right now. To sum it up, it’s a humbling experience having someone else come in the house and clean my toilet. Pray I don’t withdraw from others out of fear of being a burden.
Thank you for walking with me and my family through this season. Your generosity, thoughtful meals, words of encouragement, and—most of all—your bold, faith-filled prayers have been a lifeline. We see God’s grace through each of you, and we are deeply thankful.
For His glory,
Elly
Comments
Tonya Gripentrog
Carol.gray927
Suzanne Stanford
Heather Clemens
Monica Clark
Deb Zierk
Loni Schultz
Rhonda Stasaitis
Pattie Cox
Stuart fishman
Praying that this is but a blip in a long timeline of laughing and loving while bringing Him glory day by day!
Praying for His blessing over the meds, procedures, personnel, and decisions made.
In Jesus name!
Ann Hemken
Susan Lehman
Chara Brightly
Psalm 139:14, which reads in full, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 23:
This Psalm is a well-known source of comfort, speaking of God as a shepherd who guides and protects, even through dark valleys.
Matthew 11:28-30:
Jesus invites those who are weary and burdened to find rest in Him, offering a message of solace and peace.
Philippians 4:6-7:
This passage encourages believers to approach God with their anxieties through prayer, promising the peace of God that surpasses all understanding.
Romans 8:35, 37-39:
These verses highlight God's unwavering love and His ability to overcome any obstacle, providing assurance in the face of challenges.
Psalm 34:18:
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit" according to the Bible.
Isaiah 41:10:
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." says Isaiah.
Lamentations 3:22-26, 31-33:
This passage emphasizes God's unfailing love, compassion, and faithfulness, even in the midst of suffering.
John 14:1-3:
Jesus promises to prepare a place for believers and to return for them, offering hope for the future.
1 John 3:1 You are a child of God.
As a child of God you have access to peace, joy, strength, love…. and the list goes on. I pray you experience all of those. I pray for your family as well. You are all loved. God is going to help you get through this. Even when you feel weak he is strong. He is the great I am the alpha and omega….
Sorry got a little carried away.
Lorna Fishman
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
Isaiah 41:10
Praying for strength for you. Not only physically, but mentally and spiritually, and the same for Alex and the boys. May you grow healthier, stronger, bolder in mind and spirit.
As I read your thoughts I feel I am reading the words of a true warrior and a lady after God’s heart.
Keep being strong, sweet, fun, and loving.
Remember you have many prayer warriors fighting for you.
May God’s anointing cover you.