It's been two weeks, and I'm here--kicking my little legs and flailing my little arms, trying to keep one nostril above the waves. It's been a dark and brutal storm, and we've only just begun to weather it.

Though many of you share my Christian faith, I realize many of you don't. Thank you for being my friend, reading updates, supporting me, and loving me. I love you back! Just want to say that I tend to journal my thoughts as a way of processing life and whatever emotions I'm experiencing.  I hope you'll understand that because my faith is the most important thing to me, I'll be talking quite a bit about it as I share updates.

We keenly feel our weakness and frailty. Our faith perseveres only because God is holding on to us. John 14:18 has been an anchor for my soul. In promising to send the Holy Spirit to make his home in believers, Jesus says, "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you."

Friends, He has not abandoned us. He is with us. And your faith strengthens our faith. When I cannot pray, I rely on your prayers. When I cannot see the hope, I rely on your reminding me. When I doubt that God is good, I hear you speak the truth.

This past Sunday morning, I was praying that God would show his kindness to me in a way that actually feels kind and gentle. That I would have some proof that he is good. All I could focus on was my cancer, pain, limitations, and discomfort.

I was listening to the livestream of my church's worship, and before the sermon (which was excellent and breathed hope into my heart) even began, I smiled. God has already proved his goodness to me in the gospel. God has prepared a way for me to dwell with him forever. The thing that will make us humans forever happy is to be with the God who loves us. Jesus' life, death, and resurrection is concrete evidence that God is good. He did not leave me as an orphan in my alienation from him. He created the means of adoption and brought me into his family at great cost to himself.

So, of course this cancer is terrifying and repulsive. Of course it is disrupting our family. Of course there is confusion and frustration. Of course we hate it. But this cancer is not the whole picture. The whole picture is a God who created us, and then re-created us when we broke our relationship with him. This God is good. This God's love is breathtakingly beautiful.

A few weeks ago, Stephen gave a short sermon at our Sunday evening service. Hearing my husband fight through tears and pain to declare God's faithfulness is a buoy for my drowning heart. Stephen is daily living out his hope in God--and that gives me hope. 

Take courage, dear hearts.