SIMEON: We have heavy news that needs urgent prayer: Simeon needs two open heart surgeries, the first of which will happen very soon and the second of which will happen 3-6 months from now. Why? Well, Simeon is either losing weight or plateauing, despite the doctors increasing his CPAP support and maxing out the calories they can safely pack into his feeds. This is largely due to the sizable hole in his heart–the heart and lungs are so integrally connected and together affect his ability to gain weight. All that to say, we were just told that it's time for significant surgical intervention. Simeon is still too little to have the big hole closed right now, and so they must do another open heart surgery as a temporary way to mitigate the inappropriate excessive connection between the heart and lungs. As it's open heart, this is a high risk procedure. But this is the next step since we've been told the specialist teams have exhausted the other options. This first surgery will hopefully help Simeon gain weight to be eligible for the repair of the hole. Simeon may or may not be able to come home in between the two heart surgeries. 

CALVIN: Amidst the sadness of this news, we thank the Lord that Calvin is now home. He came home last week and was energetically welcomed by a big sister and brother who simply adore him. Calvin is now Gwen and James' best entertainment. Calvin is steadily growing: weighing more than 7 lbs now, he is nursing well and generally content and easily consoled.

How are we doing? What a bittersweet experience in which to find ourselves. We rejoice that Calvin is home and thriving, and yet we are deeply pained by how Simeon is doing. I (Hope) have cried many times in the NICU while holding Simeon. It breaks my heart that it is normal for him to scream in my arms as he is trying to tell me that he is in pain by the CPAP and all the other medical poking and prodding. And yet there is very little I can do as a mother to take his pain away; I just hold him to let him know I'm there and try to comfort within very clinical parameters. I am well aware that without the medical tools supporting his life, Simeon would not be able to live. And so as he wails in my arms, I cry and long for the full restoration of all things. In these bodies we undeniably groan until the that great Day of the Lord. It is because of the certain hope that we have in Jesus that we walk forward by faith, even as we are very tired, very weak, very dependent. We acutely sense our creatureliness and what it is to image God in our moment-by-moment dependence upon Him. And so to all our weary friends, please walk with us in hope.

Please pray the Lord provides for us as a family in every way. For years Ben and I have operated out of our strengths and intensity. And through all these medical trials, we are recognizing our great weakness and learning to operate out of the Lord's abundant grace. We have been so humbled to know that we cannot pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps. We are coming to learn at deeper levels to depend on all that comes from the Lord. We are spread as thin as we've ever been and really starting to pray fervently the prayer, "Lord, give us our bread for this very moment."