I wanted to hop on here to provide a quick update that round 5 has been pushed back one week due to my ANC count being too low for chemo.  We were disappointed at the delay and some family plans we have in late February that we have to cancel but we have to trust that everything happens for a reason.

I'm not going to lie, this delay was tough.  It takes a lot to mentally prepare for chemo.  I don't sleep well on the nights leading up to my appointments.  I have a pit in my stomach as I get dressed and sit in the car for the 30 minute drive.  I can even taste the medicine they put in the IVs before I get out of the car. It's a lot.

Most weeks I put my big girl pants on, squeeze the hand that is forever holding mine and we go sit for 7-8 hours as we fight together, to beat this terrible disease.  

Maybe it's because my body is recovering from major surgery.  Maybe it's because I am just starting to feel good again.  Or maybe it's because it's been 5 long months of physical, mental and emotional stress.  But being sent home was hard.  

As you can imagine, we have experienced the lowest of lows, sometimes our spirits get tired and we cry tears of pain, fear and exhaustion. This morning was one of those times.  I cried for the first time in a while, I asked God why me for the hundredth time and wondered if I am strong enough to keep going.  

Then my incredible husband sat with me while I cried and wiped my tears away.  He brought me coffee and toast and opened the blinds in our room to let the sun in.  Then he asked me to go for a walk.

I didn't want to go but I did.  Because thats what this cancer journey has been for us.  Holding hands and putting one foot in front of the other. I had a friend remind me today that I am fighting for my life.  I sometimes forget that but I know I can do it because I have so much to live for.  

Sorry if I made anyone cry, if it makes you feel better I just cried too.  But these updates are therapeutic and once I write them it helps me let my feelings go.  

As always, thank you all for supporting us on this crazy journey. My prayer request this week is that you pray for both my physical and mental strength and that my ANCs to go up by Monday.

We got this 🩵