Thank you all for hanging in there with me the last few weeks while my brain tumor made it literally so hard to type clearly. That was very annoying 🤣 stay off social media while functioning with a frontal lobe tumor - sage advice. My hand eye coordination seems to be coming back to normal. For a few weeks I'd been very forgetful, drop things easily, etc. I'll have the sutures removed next week at the neurosurgery office in United and then hospice will continue to monitor me as planned. 

The idea of hospice is so interesting and we are still getting used to the idea. Geno really wants to know when - will I still be here for Halloween? Christmas? It's hard not to know so we are focusing on what we are doing in this very moment and spending time together without thinking of what's to come. We will face each day as a family and navigate the ups and downs along the way. As I mentioned in my last post, the hardest part for me has felt like I'm traumatizing my children. I continue to work on shifting my perspective to the solid foundation of attachment and safety we have provided to them, which has shown up in big ways and they continue to show up each day with love and positivity in their hearts. Even though some things remain unknown or scary, we talk about it, ask questions, and lean on our helpers. Callie has felt on top of the world; she came home from dance bragging because the moms were fighting over who was going to drive her home that night 🤣🤣 for now, my hospice nurse will come once per week or so to do check ins, med review, and assess any other needs that come up 24/7. I've been on anti seizure medication since the surgery and am slowly weaning off of that + steroids, but we will have a PRN seizure med to use in the event another tumor grows, which we know is possible and likely, even though the neurosurgery was a success. Metaplastic carcinoma does not fuck around 🫠 that feels a little scary to think about but again, the peace and freedom I feel being done with active system treatments is incredible. My therapist and I have been noting more feelings of depression in the last several months - I've been getting so worn down by the chemo, the radiation, the trauma, the scans - all of it. This is another reason I know hospice was the right choice for me. If I could go through treatments and be garaunteed longer life, I'd do it every time but the pros no longer outweigh the cons of treatment and that's the reality we are in now. 

Every day feels a little more like settling in to normal and yet none of it feels normal all at once. If you've know our family over the years, you know we harbor a lot of tough traumaversaries in October. No surprise, 2024 threw neurosurgery on top of the pile like "what ya gonna do about it?!" 🤷‍♀️🤣 I typically navigate medical trauma pretty smoothly because I know what to look for in myself before, during, and after appointments, as well as how to best care for myself after. This recent hospitalization threw me for several loops though. Multiple Brain MRIs with my face literally stuck in a cage, while also knowing there's a tumor in your brain made for some big feelings. I started experiencing deep anxiety going in to the machines which is something I've never edperienced. I became physically ill before each MRI and so exhausted and angry after. Its not sustainable to go through life that way. I knew it was necessary so I dug deep and stuck it out which, surprise, isn't very good for your nervous system! So, we are adding a few more glimmers just by being together- soaking up fresh fall air, coloring and jamming to music on the deck, spending time with family and friends, it's just been a really good firt few days home. We got in a target run which felt good 6 days post-op lol and met my hospice nurse, Danielle. For now, she will come once a week for a check in, med review, quick physical. She signed me up for in home hospice massages so that's def a glimmer! ✨️

Callie and I didn't get to host our permanent jewelry bar at home last weekend, but the amazing ladies at Midwest Linx sent us some custom bracelets to add to our wrist and they are so cute! They even delivered them to the hospital for us 😍🥹 if you're thinking of hosting, please check them out on social media! Thank you again, so much, Logan and Alanna! 

We've got some more fun things up ahead this week for wbl homecoming and then MEA break is already next week! Callie is underway with her dances and specialty numbers and Geno is gearing up to start his next hockey clinics soon. It feels so good to be home and I'm very grateful to be well enough to do this and soak up every moment together we can. 

There are two specific ways to support our family right now. My friend and fellow breastie, Missy, is walking in my honor and raising funds here: https://www.facebook.com/donate/516372611350485/?fundraiser_source=external_url

Our home away from home, 4th Street Dance Center, is hosting a benefit for Callie to help cover any and all future dance costs! It is at the studio and the flyer is attached below! 

Thank you for the meals - please feel free to think outside of dinne  options too! Breakfast and lunch especially easy lunches i can make mtself are very helpful! Thank you for the financial donations,  child care and transport help, words of encouragement and love. We are so blessed!

🩷🤟🏼 Adam & Elizabeth