Finding Closeness
In support of
The Gonzales Family
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The Gonzales Family
Planning a funeral is like planning a wedding, except you have two weeks to do it and your face is perpetually puffy from crying. The days after Paloma passed, Lisa and I made a commitment to the environment we wanted for our family to grieve. It takes all the empathy and selflessness to recognize when a partner or child needs a distraction or just a solid cry. All things considered, I've been affirmed by professionals that we are doing "OK".
Being open, honest, and communicative about our emotions has allowed us to take steps back towards normalcy. The kids are returning to their activities, we've finished some projects around the house, and we've gone out to eat...as a family. My family will always be a party of seven (we lost a child due to miscarriage in 2016), but saying, "three kids" and foregoing space for a wheelchair is foreign, and I don't like it.
It's in these moments that I have a choice to make. I can sit in the emptiness of loss, or I can find the closeness to Paloma by loving others harder. I don't think there's a wrong choice because the exercise of making the choice continuously to the point where one can lead to the other is in itself grief. One of the ICU doctors during our first stay would tell me every night, "Time and patience."
Lisa and I took the kids to a trampoline park to burn some energy...and to explore the status of our own joint health. Typically at places like this, Lisa or I would find a spot to hang with Paloma. We would rotate for bathroom breaks or if Milo requested the other. For Lisa and I our focus was always in two places. In the midst of screaming kids and the smell of sweat, but also bleach, I became emotional. But I found the closeness. For the first time since Pal passed, I felt a warm connection to her as if she was saying to me, "It's ok, Dada, go, it's their turn now."
Time and patience. The next week will require a ton of it. On August 29th we will say goodbye to Pal's earthly body. There will be emptiness. But with our faith and all of your support, we look forward to feeling Pal's closeness by loving harder.
Paloma's obituary page: https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/tampa-fl/paloma-gonzales-12483759
Being open, honest, and communicative about our emotions has allowed us to take steps back towards normalcy. The kids are returning to their activities, we've finished some projects around the house, and we've gone out to eat...as a family. My family will always be a party of seven (we lost a child due to miscarriage in 2016), but saying, "three kids" and foregoing space for a wheelchair is foreign, and I don't like it.
It's in these moments that I have a choice to make. I can sit in the emptiness of loss, or I can find the closeness to Paloma by loving others harder. I don't think there's a wrong choice because the exercise of making the choice continuously to the point where one can lead to the other is in itself grief. One of the ICU doctors during our first stay would tell me every night, "Time and patience."
Lisa and I took the kids to a trampoline park to burn some energy...and to explore the status of our own joint health. Typically at places like this, Lisa or I would find a spot to hang with Paloma. We would rotate for bathroom breaks or if Milo requested the other. For Lisa and I our focus was always in two places. In the midst of screaming kids and the smell of sweat, but also bleach, I became emotional. But I found the closeness. For the first time since Pal passed, I felt a warm connection to her as if she was saying to me, "It's ok, Dada, go, it's their turn now."
Time and patience. The next week will require a ton of it. On August 29th we will say goodbye to Pal's earthly body. There will be emptiness. But with our faith and all of your support, we look forward to feeling Pal's closeness by loving harder.
Paloma's obituary page: https://www.dignitymemorial.com/obituaries/tampa-fl/paloma-gonzales-12483759
Comments
Jeff Rutti
Mldguerra
Dflyons
Thank you for letting us “in” and allowing others to grieve with you the loss (on this side) of your beautiful and spunky Paloma.
We are praying for you both and your amazing children in this most difficult time of transition and healing. May Jesus hold you tightly in His arms. Our hearts are with you. ❤️🙏