Raw update from a mama’s heart
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Marchuk Family
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Marchuk Family
Anna here, Josh’s mom.
It's 1:00 in the morning, and I'm sitting beside Josh as he completes his last doze of chemotherapy for this round of his treatment journey.
It's 1:00 in the morning, and I'm sitting beside Josh as he completes his last doze of chemotherapy for this round of his treatment journey.
Last few days has been some of the hardest days in my life.
Watching Josh struggle just to make it to the restroom because his body is so weak, seeing him so incredibly nauseous and exhausted, has broken my heart in ways I never knew were possible. Every instinct in me wants to take this pain away from him, to carry it for him, but I can't. As his mom, that is an unbearable feeling.
I keep asking myself, "How will he continue to push through this knowing he has many more rounds of chemotherapy to go?" And the only answer I have is God.
The only place I find comfort is in knowing that God has not left us and will not forsake us. Even in this hospital room, even in the middle of the heartbreak, the tears, and the unknown, He is here.
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
I pray over Josh constantly. I pray for mercy that God would lessen his suffering. I pray for grace that He would give Josh strength when his body has nothing left to give. I pray for healing, for endurance, for courage, and for a heart that remains fixed on Christ through it all.
As his mom, I have never felt so helpless. Every part of me wants to take this pain from him, to trade places with him, to carry every ounce of his sickness if it meant he could be free. But I can't. All I can do is be here beside him, and entrust him to the One who loves him even more than I do.
I don't know why this is Josh's story. But I do know that God is good. His Word reminds us that He is near to the brokenhearted, that He will never leave us nor forsake us, and that He is working all things together for the good of those who love Him. I know He uses the hardest circumstances to refine us, deepen our faith, draw us closer to Him, and prepare us for the purpose He has for our lives.
I don’t need the answers to my questions; I know God is not absent. He is here in this hospital room, in every tear, every prayer, every sleepless night, and every step of Josh’s treatment.
So today, I choose surrender again. Not because it's easy, but because I have nowhere else to go. I lay down my fear, my questions, and my desperate desire to control the outcome. I place Josh into the hands of our faithful Father and trust that, whatever lies ahead, He will give us the grace we need for each moment.
Please continue to pray for Josh. Pray that God would bring complete healing to his body, strengthen him through every treatment, protect him from complications, and draw him even closer to Himself. And pray for this mama's heart, that when I feel like I'm breaking, my faith would remain firmly anchored in our Heavenly Father, our Lord and Savior, trusting that He is holding Josh and our family through every step of this journey.
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