This past week was one year since I was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer that spread to my lymph nodes. Since then, I've completed 8 rounds of chemo (from an implanted port, along with cold capping), lost 70% of my hair, had a unilateral mastectomy, 11 lymph nodes removed, 28 sessions of radiation, developed psoriasis, got Covid, and started 2 of the 3 hormone blockers that I need to take for the next 10 years to force me into early menopause.

There’s been countless doctor appointments, scans, tests, and procedures, and next year, I’ll have at least one more surgery for my reconstruction. And let’s not forget the hours upon hours spent fighting with insurance and paying neverending medical bills (and even being sent to collections while I was still in treatment because why not ruin my credit on top of everything else?!).

As far as my recovery goes, things have been a mixed bag. So far, the monthly Zoladex injections have been tolerable since chemo had already put me in menopause but starting my Letrozole prescription was awful. The joint pain was comparable to chemo and I felt like I was starting my cancer journey all over again but thankfully it's eased up and now I'm mostly just hot, stiff, and tired all the time instead. Sleep is hard to come by and the chemo brain and fatigue knocks me on my ass some days but I'm still walking daily and slowly doing more yoga too. And my hair is growing back thick and healthy so I’m happy about that.

Next week, I'll start my third hormone blocker, which also has some horrible side effects but I hope I can adjust enough to take them for as long as I need to. As much as my body doesn't feel like it's even mine anymore, I'm relieved to have another tool to prevent recurrence as much as possible. 

All that to say, it’s been A LOT and even though I'm NED, I won't be done with cancer for another decade (if ever, because I imagine there will always be some fear in the back of my mind). I swing back and forth between being so damn grateful that I caught it before it became metastatic and so much grief that I’m in this position at all.

When I was diagnosed, I went into survival mode and it was impossible to process my feelings in real-time but now they’re hitting me like an avalanche as all these cancer-versaries come up. There's also been a lot of extra, unnecessary stress happening behind the scenes but I'm trying to keep it in perspective as much as possible because I went through a lot in order to alive today and I'm really proud of all I've endured to get here.

Thanks again for keeping us in your prayers and all the support you've provided this past year - you've helped tremendously.

Love,
Linz