That said, I had my routine MRI screening, which is anxiety provoking enough but of course my results weren't clear either. Apparently I have a seroma (buildup of fluid), which explains some ongoing pain I've felt in my reconstructed breast and my lymph nodes are inflamed too. Both are common after such a massive surgery and hopefully the fluid will drain on its own but now I have to get another ultrasound just to be safe. It's a perfect example of what I mean when I say that cancer sticks around long after it's "gone." Every little thing feels like a fire alarm now and even if it's minor, I don't have the luxury of thinking so until I have multiple tests to rule out recurrence. It's lonely, terrifying, and I hate every part of it.

 

On top of that, we also received a surprise notice that our excellent Cal Cobra insurance was being terminated 11 months early because Brandon's former employer changed their insurance structure (likely due to my massive, ongoing cancer claims). While it's sickening and completely wrong, it's also not illegal so once again, we have no recourse. For now, I applied for Medical while we figure things out because everything (including Covered CA) is more expensive with less benefits and considering my ongoing hormone therapy and revision surgery, it's a major setback. Having the coverage we did while we're still navigating life after cancer was a huge peace of mind for us both and I'm not kidding when I say I feel like I've never fully been able to fully rest and focus on my healing because of ongoing nonsense like this.

 

Yet I went to hell and back for the chance to keep living this life, even if it never seems to let up....and I'm trying to focus on that. I celebrated my 41st my birthday in my hometown reconnecting with some childhood friends. I got to see my niece graduate high school. I've had so much quality time with Brandon and Trooper. There is still some joy in the mess, which seems to be the neverending lesson of my life.

 

Thank you for hanging in there with me, even when I don't have the best news to share. Like I've said before, your ongoing help and support has lifted our spirits so much in the midst of everything. I'll keep you posted once the insurance gets sorted and I have my ultrasound results.

 

Lots of love, 

Lindsay Joy (and Brandon)