Hi. We’re headed to Stanford to plan my revision surgery so I can finally start to move on with my life (assuming my ultrasound is clear). After all the insurance nonsense, that was also finally scheduled for early September. Please say some prayers that my seroma has cleared up on its own and that my lymph nodes are no longer inflamed.

Besides that, we’re both still working our butts off doing side jobs. I’ve mostly enjoyed being on the horse ranch but my poor hands and feet don’t. The Gator is broken so I’ve been doing everything by hand and foot plus my joints are flipping out from my hormone blockers so I basically can’t move the rest of the week. At the same time, it feels like no one else wants to hire a cancer survivor who is still in the thick of it so I’m grateful they took a chance on me and painful as it’s been, it’s nice to feel like I’m gaining some of my strength back.

Otherwise, I’m also trying to figure out who on earth I am on this side of cancer. I’d like to say it didn’t change me but it drastically altered my priorities, my relationships, and the way I view my life. I’m no stranger to grief and trauma but this experience has been even more isolating than I ever could’ve imagined because many people just can’t relate to having cancer. It often feels like the expectation is that I should just be grateful to be alive, which I am or I never would’ve walked thru hell to still be here. But this kind of diagnosis is far more complex than that and the ongoing treatment also makes it impossible to put behind you because you’re literally still living it.

All that to say, I’m hanging in there and trying to find my joy again but it’s going to take me a while and I really appreciate those who are still giving me patience and understanding through it all. I’ll update you again when I get my ultrasound results and revision surgery date.

Lots of love,

Lindsay