Today was a great day, spent with our girls and our moms. I'm extra grateful these days to be present for every smile, every laugh, every new achievement. I have many thoughts on motherhood, and in particular on being a mom to a disabled child. Sometimes they flow freely. Other times I have trouble getting them to come together. For today, I'm borrowing another's words, but the sentiment is mine.

Becoming
by Rachael Vermeulen

I used to think I'd know who I was by now,
that the mirror would hold answers,
that life would feel a bit more steady
and a little less surrendered.
But then I became a mother.
And everything shifted,
not all at once,
but in subtle, holy inches.
In midnight feedings and tired prayers.
In whispered apologies and unspoken strength.
In the ache of letting go and the awe of holding close.
Motherhood did not just change me.
It refined me.
It burned away what I thought was enough,
and made space for something sacred.
Because love like this,
the kind that wakes you up at 2 a.m.
and calls you to the cross daily,
it doesn't leave you as it found you.
I became softer and stronger.
More broken, and somehow more whole.
I found courage I never asked for,
and grace I didn't know I needed.
I see now,
God wasn't just giving me children.
He was giving me Himself through them.
Through the wonder in their eyes,
through the stretching of my patience,
through the gentle voice that said,
"I am with you, even here."
And maybe I'll never know who I might have been
without their tiny hands reshaping mine.
But I do know this,
The woman I've become,
though weary, marked, and forever changed,
is closer to Jesus.
And that is the truest becoming of all.

Happy Mother's Day.