More information

I had a long and mentally difficult day on Tuesday. It started by dropping Leo off at daycare at 7:30am. Then we got stuck in crazy traffic because so many roads were closed off for Lindsey Graham's funeral, so we were about 20 minutes late to arrive at the hospital.

First thing as always was the nurses taking my blood to check my labs. 

Then Francisco and I met with my oncologist (with my parents on the phone) to discuss next steps for two different scenarios after MRI and biopsy:

There was a lot of heavy discussion about the second scenario because I'd essentially be a guinea pig. They don't have any exact data that shows long-term outcomes for people who do not get chemo before surgery. So I'm having to really sit with this given I'm so young and I have my son and a hopeful long life to think about. My aunt Laura is gathering more data to help us make this decision. Over the last couple days, though, I've become clearer on what I think I'll decide to do.

Then we met with my surgeon. My local aunt Susan arrived to join us at this point for the rest of the day, and my parents were on the phone again. Until this moment, I was planning on one surgery type, but then my surgeon described the other surgery options that I hadn't even really considered... and what those mean for radiation (yes or no)... and what radiation means for the body. I got really overwhelmed, and I still am. It's a huge decision. And I have a little bit of time to make it.

Then I went to the "easy" part of the day: 3 hours in the infusion lab. My aunt stayed with me, we had some lunch, and I mostly slept. Then she got me home around 5pm and I got a bit of good time with my happy baby. That's the best medicine.

The conversations on Tuesday left me with a lot of questions about radiation, so they put in a referral for me to see the radiation oncologist. It got scheduled for two weeks away. I also have a lot of questions for the plastic/reconstruction surgeon I'll be seeing on 8/13.

I debriefed a lot with my parents and my aunt Laura on Tuesday and Wednesday, and talked to my oncologist again on Wednesday as well. By this point, my head felt like a heavy ping pong ball. My oncologist could hear my confusion around radiation, so she got the radiation oncologist  appointment moved up to this past Friday via telehealth. I so appreciated that.

My parents joined via phone for that appointment as well, and it lasted about 1.5 hours. So. Much. Information. But helpful to have.

I feel like I have a lot more information now that I didn't have before. And it feels overwhelming. And I have even more questions. And I have some time before I have to decide anything definitively.

The good things overall:

My mom is now flying up on 8/12 so she can be here when we see the plastic surgeon on 8/13, and we'll also talk to the radiation oncologist again that day.

My fourth treatment day will be 8/18. My MRI will be 8/20. And my biopsy will be 8/25. Then we wait a few days for all results, and that's when I have to be ready make decisions. So we don't really know what anything past August looks like yet.

I am going to try to turn my brain off as much as possible the rest of this weekend and just enjoy Leo.

<3 E.