Roger came by yesterday with more of my classroom stuff. I'm sitting in my mama's office chair.  I went into the garage a few hours ago so I can organize my stuff and put them into totes. I want to protect as much stuff as possible. Seeing everything made my heart break. I couldn't stop the tears. Aw man I am so angry, frustrated, irritated, sad, and heart broken.  I feel like I have had so much taken from me. I am not the wife, mom, teacher, daughter, or friend I was or want to be. I feel alone so often. I don't want to stay home, I want to get my backyard looking pretty, I want my garage clean, I want to detail my car inside and out (poor Beasty looks dirty and that is not like me to allow her to look like that).  Let me pause, what I have learned the past 5 months has helped me become a better person but I can't put that into the action I want to......yet.

Earlier this morning I read some poetry I wrote March of 24 and it made me cry. I have needed to choose myself for a long time.  I am mourning these changes and most of all I am still mourning my mama. She was my biggest support, fan, and love. I guess I am just emotional today and will process all of these emotions.

I got a notification from Chris Beat Cancer that he has a new interview. Karla Mans Giroux healed metastatic breast cancer.  It's awesome when things are put in your path to help you. Listening to these types of podcasts are very helpful. When I was sitting outside in my backyard getting some sun with my bare feet on the ground, I noticed a penny in the dirt. These say when you find a penny on the ground it is from someone in heaven. If that is true I can only hope that it is from mom.

Here is the song I am currently listening to
https://youtu.be/aiyQsHKnCvc?si=Psg9d6ZxnDT7y60S

 

 

 

John 14:27: 

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid" 

love to all!