You would have been 47 tomorrow. Only the good die young. We miss you everyday but are constantly reminded of you hundreds maybe thousands of times a day. You will never be forgotten. I know you are better than okay BUT the human part of me just wishes I could have one more conversation with you now that you are healed. I think of the things you've already missed and it wrecks me. 
Wyatt has taken up Lacrosse and LOVES it. But, don't worry he's still playing baseball and he had a legit double and triple last weekend. The little MAVZ are turning the corner and its oh so fun to watch. You would love it. He's going to be 9 at the end of the month. I can't believe it!!! 
Ross is living his best life. He's been driving the golf cart. I know, I know but I'm trying to keep up my "cool parent" position. I swear he would hang up baseball tomorrow if I would let him because he's loving golf so much these days. Kip took him to play Old Barnwell and he lost his mine when Rory got a double bougie at the Masters and walked home from the gathering we were at with the neighbors but he can back 20 min later. Typical Ross. You would be proud... I'm not "babying" them. There are so many things that I would love to talk to you about regarding the kids and getting your opinions and approval and just your steady cool knowledge but I can't and that is SO HARD. I need someone to say "this is what we need to do" OR "no Ash let's think about it this way". There is just SOOOO much I want to tell you. 
I'm doing really well with figuring out all the things regarding the house, bank accounts, insurance, medical bills, car titles, etc... I finally went to probate court today and Michael Schulz and Mr. Herndon have been helping me with all the legal and financial questions. So... I'm still very much control freak and getting it all done. I even tried to figure out the sprinkler system before I finally had to bring in the neighbor guys for reinforcement. You would be so proud of me. 
I started cleaning out your closet last week don't worry I'm not getting rid of any shoes, hats or anything meaningful. God that was so hard. The main reason I did it was to get a bunch of shirts to Emily Gilger who has graciously volunteered to make quilts for the boys out of your clothes. What a cool idea. Ross did fuss at me last night because he was like "mom you don't need to put any of your dresses in dad's closet you need to clean out yours". He sounded just like you. He said you don't even wear any of this. I said "Ross just leave my dresses alone". I miss being able to ask you if my outfits look good or what shoes to wear but the boys are actually pretty good at it. Ross told me this morning that I looked "Tuff" which means good in teen lingo. I was like..well thank you. They are so sweet to me. 
I'm back at work and loving it because you know how much of a workaholic I am and its the only place I feel normal. You know the peeps here keep me busy and my brain finally feels like its not "so dumb" anymore after feeling like I've been in complete brain fog for a year. 
I took the boys to Darius with the Riddles, Gronks and McCormacks last weekend. Our friends have been so so good to me and the boys. Wyatt wanted to flash my flashlight on my phone the whole time and Ross set there for an hour and cried and said "I wish dad was here". It was the saddest thing. I just sat there and rubbed his back and cried with him because you should have been there. Lee was sweet and came to comfort him as well. 
We were low key for Spring Break. You would be proud of me and how much time I'm spending at home just doing little things. Honestly, its because I'm scared to spend money because I'm still trying to get used to one income. I'm a saver now... you finally have rubbed off on me and now I understand all the pressures you felt trying to make sure we thrived all of these years. I love you. 
Overall, we miss you so much. The Penneys gave us a windchime I hung up on the back porch and its supposed to remind us of you every time we hear it. I don't need a reminder... I'm already thinking of you too much. But, sometimes in the middle of the night it wakes me OR while we are getting ready for the day and its a nice reminder that you are still with us in our hearts forever. 
I feel like a broken record BUT I miss you so much and would give anything for one more conversation. I hope everyone reading this will treasure every conversation with their spouses. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 
The kids and I talked about how we could celebrate this year and we decided to get a lock and add it to all the locks at the Lake Murray Dam. Wyatt made me order a green lock because he said its your favorite color. We are also going to enjoy dinner after a baseball game with the Bonnettes because that is what we would have done and I know simple things like this would give you the most joy than some elaborate gathering or trip. You would want me to save the money. I'm going to make a key lime cake tonight with Aunt Betty Jo's recipe. And, since you are healed its not going to be sugar free (no more diabetes). Oh, and I got a pedicure for you last night. I bet you get one everyday in heaven. I might even get another one tomorrow with the boys just because pedicures have no time limits as far as you are concerned and everyone deserves a good massage. 
I'm hoping to start a widow series on Instagram. You would think it is so dumb but you know I like to engage with others and feel like my "sick" sense of humor might be helpful for others going through what me and the kids are living OR just need a good laugh. One day I might even do a comedic performance at the Lexington Amphitheater. :) You are rolling your eyes right now... I just know it. Know this.... the boys and I love you and will celebrate you tomorrow SO BIG but we also celebrate the wonderful husband, dad, person, friend, coach and all the things each day. I promise that. Love you Bear.