I find myself going back and forth between confident, strong declarations of healing and grievous weeping and begging. 

I flew back home today for Micah’s ballet tomorrow that she’s been practicing for months for, while Blue drives home with Asher and my brother. At the airport there was a mom with her young son and he was talking up a storm, just happy as could be. He called the toy I had on the carseat (the kind that wraps around the handle) a “cow snake.” I watched them and wished for my boy to be up and about and talking and asking a million questions. Then I felt like I was coveting what she had and that I needed to repent for that. 

Photos are coming through my Timehop of my first three where they are bonding when each new baby arrived. I can’t help but feel so grieved that Asher should be doing that with Ezra right now. The little time he got to spend with him before the accident he was so sweet with him. I have two pictures of them. Two. Both of the morning of the accident.  

I feel so bad for Ezra because he’s getting the absolute worst of me. I don’t want him to be absorbing all of this pain as his little nervous system is developing. 

While we were gone this week a group of folks got together and put our closets together so we can work on getting our clothes unpacked finally. They also cleaned up the house for us.  We’re so thankful for that. 

The girls have a gymnastics ceremony mid-May. The owner said we can set up donation boxes at the table with the name tags, but we would need a couple of volunteers to spend their time watching the boxes to make sure they are secure.  We won’t be back again until after Asher’s treatment is complete if anybody is willing to donate their time to sit with the boxes for a few days it would be much appreciated. I don’t know if they have boxes or if we would have to get boxes. It would need to be coordinated. Can someone create a graphic for us to put out with a QR to the support now and with our Venmo, etc on it for Monday? 

We are about to celebrate our Passover tomorrow night. Passover in Exodus was the passing over of the death angel for the first born son for those houses that were marked with blood. Jesus’ blood keeps us from death.  As I wash my babies’ feet tomorrow, I am praying for the power in the blood to cover and restore Asher’s mind and body.  

Pray as the Holy Spirit guides you for us tonight. There are times all I can muster is “ABBA please.”