Chemo is horrid. It feels like someone has poisoned you, because, well...that's what chemo is, a poison that heals.

It's not so much the individual symptoms that get me, but the overall languishing in nebulous pain and ick that are physically and emotionally hard. Even Stephen feels down on the days when I'm bedbound.

Here is a look at what my chemo cycle looks like right now.

Day 1: Infusion Day--pretty good day except for the cold sensitivity
Day 2: Pump Day--inconvenient, but pretty good day because the steroids give me a boost of energy and symptoms are minimal
Day 3: Pump Disconnect Day--mostly good, although the fatigue sets in really hard after the pump is disconnected (with the IV hydration, my energy level was a 2 out of 10 instead of zero)
Day 4: Incapacitated--day spent in bed, eyes closed, trying not to move
Day 5: Incapacitated--day spent in bed, eyes closed, trying to keep hope
Day 6: Non-Functional--I can walk around the house a bit, shuffle around the block, and shower, but mostly I lie in bed
Day 7: Functional, but Fatigued--I get up and do a few things and then lay back down all throughout the day
Day 8: Human Again--more foods sound good to me, though I do take some anti-nausea meds. I went to in to work today!
Days 9-14: New Normal--I can resume most activities, but try to conserve my energy for family, work, and fun

Thank you for each and every reminder that you are thinking of me and praying for me. I am blessed by your texts and notes all the time, but especially on the days when all I can do is lie in bed.

I'd love prayers for Days 4-6 since it's truly depressing to think of enduring more chemo treatments on those days. Each treatment I do makes it more and more likely that this terrible disease won't rear it's ugly head again, so I'd like to make it through as many of the twelve that I can. My next infusion day is Wednesday, the 15th.

This time around, I learned that I need to plan fun things to do on days when I feel good. Otherwise, it's going to be a very long and dreary 6+ months of treatments, surgery, and recovery. With my aunt in town for several weeks, we're planning some fun outings during the next few days. Having Aunt Debby here during the worst of days has helped lift the burden Stephen and I feel for the kids. Such sacrificial love she's displaying!