9/17/25 - Surgery Date
In support of
Ruth
View Support Registry
Ruth
From Ruth:
Hello beloved friends–
I got a surgery date today for my mastectomy: next Friday, 9/26.
I am feeling anxious – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I am not "ready." Between doctor's appointments and the semester starting, I haven't had a lot of time to process what's happening and how abnormal it all is.
I think the thing that is hardest right now is anticipating a changed body on the other side of surgery. It almost feels shortsighted or vain because there are so many other difficult things to anticipate. I may have to do radiation and/or chemo, which will further alter my body, internally and externally. If I choose to do IVF or get an IUD implanted, I'm in for more short-term / recurring discomfort. The hormone treatment that will come eventually is also going to throw my body into menopause. All these things might/will be in my future. But the first big change is amputating my left breast and it's this part that feels the hardest to process at this stage.
There are a number of reasons why I think going flat (and not reconstructing a breast) is the right choice for me right now, but the choice is requiring so much more strength and confidence than I have in a given day. I'm heading towards surgery feeling a lot of grief, and occasionally, some anger. It's difficult to be young, "healthy" and to feel at ease with my body (most of the time) and then to be told actually no, I have limited time, I am sick on the inside, and I might struggle with my body for an unknown length of time.
Some things that are keeping me afloat: David is arriving tonight for his extended stay here in Somerville. Elaine is flying in from Denver for a legendary one-day visit. I'm going to play music with friends tonight – our lil band is making our lil debut this Saturday! Hoping to have a few dinners with friends next week before the big day. If you're local, let me know if you'll be free Mon or Thurs.
David and I keep coming back to this idea that we're on another camino. He told me this isn't the walk we chose, but it's the one we're on. To which I say THANKS I HATE IT but also sure, yes, nice metaphor.
Love you all; thank you for being here with me 🖤
Hello beloved friends–
I got a surgery date today for my mastectomy: next Friday, 9/26.
I am feeling anxious – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I am not "ready." Between doctor's appointments and the semester starting, I haven't had a lot of time to process what's happening and how abnormal it all is.
I think the thing that is hardest right now is anticipating a changed body on the other side of surgery. It almost feels shortsighted or vain because there are so many other difficult things to anticipate. I may have to do radiation and/or chemo, which will further alter my body, internally and externally. If I choose to do IVF or get an IUD implanted, I'm in for more short-term / recurring discomfort. The hormone treatment that will come eventually is also going to throw my body into menopause. All these things might/will be in my future. But the first big change is amputating my left breast and it's this part that feels the hardest to process at this stage.
There are a number of reasons why I think going flat (and not reconstructing a breast) is the right choice for me right now, but the choice is requiring so much more strength and confidence than I have in a given day. I'm heading towards surgery feeling a lot of grief, and occasionally, some anger. It's difficult to be young, "healthy" and to feel at ease with my body (most of the time) and then to be told actually no, I have limited time, I am sick on the inside, and I might struggle with my body for an unknown length of time.
Some things that are keeping me afloat: David is arriving tonight for his extended stay here in Somerville. Elaine is flying in from Denver for a legendary one-day visit. I'm going to play music with friends tonight – our lil band is making our lil debut this Saturday! Hoping to have a few dinners with friends next week before the big day. If you're local, let me know if you'll be free Mon or Thurs.
David and I keep coming back to this idea that we're on another camino. He told me this isn't the walk we chose, but it's the one we're on. To which I say THANKS I HATE IT but also sure, yes, nice metaphor.
Love you all; thank you for being here with me 🖤
Comments