Although we’ve reached our goal (THANK YOU!!), we still wanted to provide updates as we look for a handicap accessible vehicle. There are a lot of variables that come into play when deciding what type of van to purchase, and thanks to you all, we can be more strategic about the choice we make. We will be sure to keep everyone up to date during the journey! 

 

A topic I’ve been wanting to write about, but need some time to really think about, is the opportunity costs we face as parents (and just people in general). I’ve always known that when you make choices, you’re saying yes to one thing and no to another, but I never anticipated how difficult this reality would be as a parent. I had envisioned myself as a two-child mom, and obviously, life had other plans in the best way! All of us have 24 hours in a day, and we all face different obstacles, hardships, successes, luck, etc. along the way. 

 

When I had our first child, I realized so quickly, and without any transition, that I was an imperfect human, especially under stress.  I had less time, less energy, and yet wanted to be a perfect mom while also maintaining my own selfish habits/freedoms.  Then, when I had started semi-adjusting to my new mom identity, we went from 1 to 3 after an incredibly difficult twin pregnancy.  But we didn’t just have twins.  We had 10 days of bliss, realizing that our twins were here and safe, before being hit Rowan’s diagnosis of congenital Cytomegalovirus. The unknowns were terrible, but we journeyed through and had the surprise miracle of getting pregnant with our 4th when the twins were 10 months old. So many highs and lows that shaped Reece and I, and our whole family, into the people we are today.

 

I’m starting to rant but the point I want to make is that we all make choices that come with pros and cons. The harsh truth is that having 4 kids close together in age, and one that requires constant care, is going to have some negative consequences.  Our kids likely won’t be able to do the same amount of activities as a one kid family, Rowan is sometimes difficult to include due to communication and mobility issues, and they probably see us quicker to anger because of the level of responsibility and stress that a child with disabilities can add to a family. In fact, just the other day Reece was out of town and I was giving Rowan his bottle while trusting my 3 other kids, 6 and under, to get ready to leave by 7am. Ellie wanted specific pajamas (she’s our fashion queen), and although I told her I couldn’t help, I ultimately decided to go help her at the cost of Rowan rolling off the couch and on to the floor. Everyone was fine but these are the situations we commonly face that make even family safety difficult.

 

I used to dwell on these negatives ALL the time with a closed perspective to the tremendous benefits that this family of mine gets to experience. We get to understand what it means to still live in peace despite constant chaos due to being outnumbered by our children, but more so, due to coming face to face with our lack of control after Rowan’s diagnosis and walking alongside God in our grief. Our children are learning what it means to be different and how to include other kids even when it’s hard. They are understanding patience, resilience, and the importance of putting others ahead of yourself. We are also seeing the beauty in people that often manifests because of Rowan. #TeamRowan has been an amazing example of this, and the other night, I got to hang out with friends and watch their kids purposefully go up and down the slide because it made Rowan belly laugh!

 

I think the balance of these joys and difficulties are seen in an “interview” with Emerson about what it’s like being Rowan’s sister. These are her honest answers, and in the past, I would have been upset by some of them. But now, I think they just showcase the beauty and truth of life. It’s hard, but it’s worth it, and loving others is what matters:

 

Me: What is your name and how do you know Rowan?

Emerson: My name is Emerson. I know Rowan because he is my brother.

 

Me: What do you love about Rowan? What are your favorite things to do with Rowan?

Emerson: I love that he is different because that makes him special. I like to play the puzzle game with him on his iPad and run the bases with him at his Miracle League Baseball Games. 

 

Me: What is the hardest thing about being his sister?

Emerson: It’s hard when you guys can’t pay that much attention to me sometimes because you are with Rowan. I want you to be able to pay attention equally to everybody.

 

Me: What has having a brother with disabilities taught you? 

Emerson: My brother with disabilities taught me how to be patient when my parents are helping Rowan.

 

Thank you all for supporting Rowan and our family!

 

Katie & Emerson (6)