7-22-26 end of treatment scans

Life can be challenging, but Gold  cannot be forged without the fire. 

That said, how does it feel to be gold so refined that one can see your brilliance from the furthest universe 🥰 I am so proud of you guys!’

My reply to our sweet Anna’s conversation (the nurse who cared for her down in the sedation suite)  when

I sent her the invitation to attend Avrys bell ringing ceremony was: 

‘Hmm she grunts and shakes her head 🙈

I look back and I just have no idea how  we went through that?! how were  we so positive and how was I singing with Avry every day and dancing in her room and on purpose adding human life value to the doctors and nurses everywhere I went?!! and I come home and feel like the bottom of the box fell out!!  

I know it was the grace of God and adrenaline and positivity and choosing my attitude every single day while simultaneously holding my breath…

We thought we were finished in June and then she got a line infection and  was in the hospital three more weeks. She spent a total of 237 nights in the hospital… since March 9 of 2025. 

I know that now we get to rest and figure out who we are after that!!!  I think we all just felt more lost than ever before. Because the hospital life really did become our life. The doctors and nurses became our family. 

I don’t know what it’s like to come out of war but I think there are similarities on a minuscule scale. 

I am so grateful; forever grateful that we stayed  at Dell Childrens and didn’t try to go to another hospital. Because our experience there — we have most respect for the oncology program!  

We are  part of other support group pages and other people’s experience with neuroblastoma at their hospital is so different then what we got to experience, not saying it was easy but we have never met such a compassionate team of doctors and nurses. Obviously you always have the bad apples, but they were a few and far between.’

Anna’s reply: 

This and every other child/family faced with cancer are in a war. Most likely the only honorable war. The entity that dies deserves to die (cancer). 

I pray one day I am rendered useless because we finally wipe it out completely…’ 

It’s been a rocky month of being at home. I never even updated about the last week inpatient and how absolutely awful it was as we lost a warrior next door  to Avrys room all while losing  Eddi and Shanon and Jake being gone and being alone with Avry in the hospital for those weeks ❤️‍🩹

Jake knows that if I ever say, “I’m not okay,” it’s a five-alarm fire. That it’s serious.  I don’t use those words casually. Because I don’t disclose.  I process. I regulate. I keep going. I don’t shut down. 

So when those four words finally leave my mouth, he knows we’re well past “it’ll be fine.” It’s time for the big guns. Time for drastic measures. Because if I’m saying I’m not okay, the earthquake started long before anyone felt the ground shake. This was the week when everything I’ve carried for so long catches up with me. The week when my body and my heart can no longer hold it all together. The week id spent more time crying on the bathroom Floor than I had the entire year a half.  The dam broke!

One day I’ll write about it. How the screams from the mother losing her child next door still haunt me. Not for your benefit but for my reflection. 

And ever since, I’ve been fighting for my joy. Ever single day, choosing to find gratitude in my heart and blow our  blessings out of proportion and on the days when the heaviness intends to suffocate, we make our own joy! 

That has looked like splashing the puddles, running through the rain, jumping in the pool fully closed down to our socks, blasting worship music, going on long  hourly golf cart rides singing our hearts out (because you just can’t be sad when you’re singing and you can’t not sing when you see your little warrior belting it out and she’s been through way more than the rest of us and still sings and remains sweet), shutting our self off from any negativity or anything that drains our  very tired spirits, taking long naps and waking up when our bodies feel rested. 

I came home from the hospital and was ready to set our house right. To jump back into a strict schedule, meal plan and follow routines. Well, that completely backfired on me. What I realized  is our family needs rest. Even the children sleep in till 9:30- 10 even when we’re all in bed by 9 pm! (They’re usually awake by 6:30-7) Schedules are so important to me and sleeping in feels like such a waste of time but right now that’s what our bodies need and so that’s what we are intentionally giving them.  If it drains  us or stretches us in anyway- it’s a hard pass. 

I felt like I was more fragile than I’ve ever been in my entire life. So so many neuroblastoma moms have told me you don’t go back

To life as it was because everyone is a different person in your family. A year and a half later we’ve all changed and grown in so many different ways. And so coming back to live together full-time in the same space is not without challenges. Something I honestly never thought about previously. 

It’s been a month of soul searching. Feeling the pain and the loss of what cancer took from

Our family in the way of relationships.  Crying out to God asking what does this mean???  What’s the next right step for our family and how can we use the painful experiences to push us closer to our Heavenly father’s plan for us and not away??! Not allowing the bitterness of the journey and our reality to

Harden us but to humbly admit that this hurts. People show you their very true  colors in crisis.  As we’re trying our very best to navigate the unimaginable, friends build walls and checkout and abandon on purpose because their agendas and expectations for us aren’t met; that somehow they’re the ones who we somehow hurt… God how???? I don’t even have the mental energy to rationalize the parody of this reality.  🙉

Where’s the emotional maturity in that? And more than that, how does that spell JESUS??  

Jesus moved towards suffering. He dared to care. And God forgive us where we have fallen!!!??? There’s song that’s been playing in my mind ‘if I have wounded any soul, dear Lord forgive!’

That being said, I don’t believe I’m meant to hide the gifts God has given me or shy away from writing with honesty. There have been many times I’ve thought, Maybe I shouldn’t share this. And yet, when I do, I’m  met with messages that simply say, “Thank you. You put words to something I’ve been feeling but didn’t know how to express.”

Those messages remind me that vulnerability has a way of helping people feel less alone. If sharing our  own journey, questions, or hard-earned lessons can add even a little hope, clarity, or encouragement to someone else’s life, then it’s worth the courage it takes to be honest.

I also know that every person is on a different part of their journey. We all process pain, growth, and truth differently, and I have deep compassion for that. Sometimes we’re ready to look inward, and sometimes we’re simply trying to make it through the day. Neither place makes someone less worthy of love.

My hope is never to convince, criticize, or condemn. It’s simply to offer what I’ve learned with an open hand, trusting that those who need it will receive it, and those who aren’t ready yet deserve grace just as much as I do. 

Theres this piece that I cannot wrap my mind around— 

What if suffering is, in some mysterious way, a test—not of the one who is suffering, but of everyone who bears witness to it?

What if the real question is not, “Why did this happen?” but, “How will you respond?”

Some people draw near. They allow innocent suffering to soften them, to awaken compassion, to deepen love, and to call them into sacrificial relationship. They let another person’s pain transform their own heart. ( the whole reason for me sharing on this platform ) Others turn away. They close their eyes, protect their comfort, distance themselves from the grief, or convince themselves it isn’t theirs to carry. In doing so, they may miss one of life’s most sacred invitations: the opportunity to become more compassionate, more courageous, and more fully human.

I don’t know why cancer comes. Suffering was never the  divine intention at Creation. But I do believe every encounter with suffering presents a choice. We can move toward love, or we can move away from it. We can allow another person’s pain to enlarge our hearts, or we can leave unchanged. Perhaps that is the test—not whether suffering exists, but whether we allow it to make us more like the One who entered into the suffering of others rather than passing by on the other side. 

That leaves me wrestling with this thought: when you move away from the suffering for  personal comfort, that means it  is more important than growing closer to the Savior and in his likeness💔  

Sometimes  it’s the discernment that needs to take place when people Show you who they really are that’s most devastating. 

Because you don’t abandon the people you love. Cancer is already so hard all on its own. And those who intentionally added pain  and suffering by going out of their way to pass by on the other side on purpose. I’m not talking about strangers or distant relatives. I’m talking about friends we’ve known for years who we love dearly and invested precious time and  energy into- that we’re realizing it doesn’t go both ways.  That we are not important and cancer meant nothing more than an uh-oh and a bummer to them. 

Think back with me  on the parable in Luke. the priest – He saw the man but passed by on the other side of the road. the Levite – He also came, looked at the man, and passed by on the other side. Then a Samaritan, someone the original audience would have expected to be an outsider or even an enemy, stopped to help. He:

It doesn’t make sense. We’re all human and aren’t looking for perfection. But how does this happen if you know and love Jesus and have experienced the ultimate love sacrifice in your own life- how do you as Gods special people who have been called to a higher calling, who are set apart for a special purpose go against the very reason Jesus came? His very mission, which is the whole purpose of our very mission is to to bring hope to the poor, healing to the brokenhearted, freedom to those held captive by sin and oppression, sight to the blind, and restoration to those who are crushed.  And yet somehow we’ve lost that vision. The heartbeat of our existence…because we are choosing an ‘arrows in’ (internal focus).     

How it makes me feel.

Versus 

Arrows Out (external focus)

I don’t share our personal struggles until we have worked though it in our own hearts and minds and have reclaimed peace. Because it isn’t about outing anyone or having the final

Say. It’s sharing our story and you applying your details because as humans we all share the same stories with different details.   

We hold NO one hard.  Forgiveness is the easiest way

for those of us who have been ultimately forgiven that live it out daily. 

These experiences have offered us ample opportunity for laying our lives openly before our Creator and asking Him to continue to prune but also asking for guidance and direction. God show us!!! Even if it means we’re totally out to lunch here. Because we are peacemakers. Not peace hopers or peace finders. Peace makers on purpose.  By intention. 

A life of impact isn’t built by constantly asking, “How does this make me feel?” It’s built by asking, “How will I respond?” and “What can I give?”

Pain naturally turns our attention inward. Purpose turns it outward. When every situation becomes about how it affects us, our influence shrinks. But when we ask, “How can I respond with wisdom, love, and integrity?” we become the kind of people who make the world a better place. 

One nuance I’d add is that it’s healthy to acknowledge and process your emotions. The point isn’t that feelings don’t matter; it’s that staying exclusively focused on them can make it difficult to live with purpose and serve others. The goal is not to ignore what’s happening inside you, but to let your values guide what you put out into the world.

A few weeks ago, during what I’ll call “family therapy,” I told Jake: 

“I want to run away.”

Not to escape life, but to find a place where our family can be nurtured. A safe haven where we can rest, recover, and slowly rise from the wreckage of the last year and a half. A place where each of us can be cared for physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We are craving safety. We are craving kindness.  

We are craving emotional and spiritual maturity. We want to surround ourselves with the heart of Jesus.

One of the hardest realities we’ve had to accept is that it isn’t   the people closest to us—the ones we loved, trusted, and thought would walk beside us through the suffering—who stood in the gap.

Instead, it was the people from a distance. The ones we never expected. The ones who simply showed up. The strangers, now friends in our  community. 

We’ve never identified more with the parable of the Good Samaritan than we do now.

The priest and the Levite saw the broken man and passed by. The Samaritan stopped. He drew near. He carried the burden that wasn’t his to carry.

God has surrounded us with Good Samaritans in the form of strangers and friends from afar. 

People who have chosen to keep loving us, praying for us, checking on us, showing up, and carrying pieces of this burden with us—not because they had to, but because love compelled them.

It would be easy to dwell on the disappointments. To keep focused at who walked past us.

But we’re not choosing to live there.

Instead, we’re intentionally reaching toward the people who love us without conditions, who pour into us without expectations, and who continue to remind us that we don’t have to carry this alone.

Because that is the very heart of burden bearing.

Real love doesn’t ask, “How does this affect me?”

It asks, “How can I help carry your load?”

And that kind of love changes people.

I don’t know exactly what this means for our future. We have an opportunity to offer love even when it hurts, even when it means digging deeper than we ever have before.  Even when we will Always be the villains

in their story while fighting for our daughters life. 

What I do know is this: emotional maturity chooses to respond rather than react. As human beings, God has given us agency. We don’t get to choose everything that happens to us, but we do get to choose how we respond.

So we’ll keep choosing love over bitterness, compassion over resentment, and grace over offense.

We won’t allow disappointment to define us or harden our hearts. Instead, we’ll let love and compassion be our guide as we continue to heal, one step at a time. 

 I look back over the past month. I see all of us making so much progress! Jake reminds me daily ‘ 

Rose you’re not giving yourself enough credit.  You’re doing so much more than you’ll ever realize.’ I see Avry beginning to bloom again! It’s so incredible to watch her go around the house watering her little flowers or playing with something and singing. Is so wonderful to  watch her and Trace use their imagination and play like healthy little kids should! Sometimes I hear them playing, and in my mind, I picture the little girl and the little boy before cancer. And then I turn  around and reality shoots me in the heart. That they are older and they are bigger and while I feel like they both carry scars; I remind myself that our bodies and our spirits are wired for resilience! And I wash myself all over again in  gratitude because  we are all living out, answered prayers!  

As I look over the past month, I realize that we are coming back to a place of peace.  There are still some nights where the horrors play during my sleep. And the children had the same. Avry would wake up, screaming my name night after night.  Trace was so restless. And it makes complete sense because our brain’s job is to keep us safe and being in fight, flight or freeze; our brains are constantly scanning for proof that we’re not safe yet. And our brains are throwing a hissy fit. Which is why we continue to rest and offer our minds and bodies calm and steady. 

Until this week… Thursday and Friday Avry will go for her final scans post cancer treatment!! 

2 1/2 weeks ago, we officially finished the last medication’s of her cancer treatment!  It doesn’t seem real and there’s part of our brains that refuse to allow us to believe it or soak it up.  Especially because of last month when we thought we were finished and then got hit with a life threatening infection that could have taken Her out.  So now we’re treading lightly. We are holding onto hope with open hands. 

2 weeks ago Trace saw pink highlighted on the calendar (those pertain to Avry) and asked what it’s about. I explained that it’s her last set of scans before moving to maintenance where we find out if she is indeed cancer free!  I explained that we have no reason to believe that it’s come back. He said ‘but mom what if it did?? How can you really be sure?’ In the most dubious tone.  I offers him proof  as we thought  about how Avry jumps and runs and the bumps don’t hurt her like they did. How her eyes sparkle and her sass is coming back. How she’s so silly and makes everyone laugh. That’s a little girl who isn’t in pain!  

‘But mom I just don’t believe it. What are we going to do if it’s back?’   Trace I know!!! I have to convince my brain and talk to it; not listen to it!  What are we going to do? We’re going to love her! That’s all.  He wasn’t convinced. And my heart hurts for him. ❤️‍🩹

This week she’s only on 2 meds and sometimes 3 depending on symptoms. That’s a whole lot less than the 11-15! Her care in the sense of medical attention has massively decreased! 🙌 We have 2 wild bunnies in the back yard by times. She watches the yard and screams across the house when she sees one. She wants to catch it and will run out the back door to chase it. She’s determined to become friends with them. We put out carrots and lettuce and even bought bunny food but they just like the grass!   Yesterday it was Jake’s turn to run out after the bunnies with her and he came back laughing with his eyes twinkling.  

I just love hearing her sing or talk to herself as she tootles around the house. She still cannot handle the heat so we stay inside Mostly.  She wants to help with everything and told me  yesterday ‘calm down I got it!! I can help too!’  🤣 

I told Jake she has to make up for the months of laying in a hospital bed so lifelessly— and she is!! Her sass is double what it was before cancer. She will boss her brother and keep him in line like nobody’s business.  Just before

Cancer I was seeing the 5 year gap close in. And then during cancer it was so wide- much like a 9 year old with a baby. And now I’m seeing them play together and use their imagination together and I honestly can’t believe it!!! 

Avry Jo loves the story of Samantha, the American girl. It’s her favorite movie and when she is scared or missing her daddy, it’s always her go to. A year ago, a cancer foundation sent her an American girl doll with a hospital gown and hospital clothes. Oh she was so offended. How dare anyone put hospital clothes on Samantha?! She didn’t have to go to the hospital! It wasn’t Samantha and she told me to send it back!! 🙉 I her back in the box and up on the closet shelf and it was never again mentioned. I knew she was very sick and one day she would love her. Last week another Samantha doll arrived with a matching dress for the doll and Avry and matching hair clips (Avry cannot wait for the day she can wear bows again!) Avry’s a year older and so much stronger and healthier- has was so excited about Samantha and played with her immediately. I was surprised!  I told her about another Samantha doll on her closet shelf and she had no recollection of it. So yesterday I got it down and played doll with her. She really has no clue how to play with her.  The little neighbor girl is 6 months younger than Avry and they are so similar! Not necessarily dolly girls. Avry has not been friendly with the neighbor girl as she is very intimidated by her. But over the last month we’ve seen such a huge change! She will interact with the neighbor girls daddy and chit chat with him.  The trust is slowly building. (We spent July 4 together and that was the start of the two little girls interacting) my plan is to ask the neighbor girl to come play with us at least once a week. It would do Avry so much good!   

Last weekend we went to Waco to resume our lessons with Honey, Avrys service dog.  We have 24 classes as a family to complete with  honey and Miss Shelly so we have quite a few weekends to spend there yet. W haven’t seen honey in almost 6 months! What an incredible experience. Honey knew Avry and I immediately! We’ve been doing scent training. I put a tee shirt on Avry under her clothes  and every day I journal about Avry’s emotions and her anxiety level and what we did that day and seal the tee shirt in a bag and mail them to Miss Shelley, honeys trainer. 

Honey isn’t just learning to recognize Avry by sight—she is learning Avry’s unique scent. Every person has a one-of-a-kind scent profile made up of hundreds of naturally occurring chemicals released through their breath, skin, and body. This invisible “scent fingerprint” is unique to each individual, and a dog’s extraordinary sense of smell allows Honey to recognize Avry with incredible precision.

As Avry’s body experiences different physical or emotional changes, her body chemistry changes as well. Stress, fear, illness, and other changes can subtly alter the chemicals her body releases, creating scent differences that Honey can detect long before people notice anything is different. Through scent training, Honey is learning what is normal for Avry so she can recognize when something changes and respond according to the tasks she has been trained to perform, helping keep Avry safe.

This is why Honey is so drawn to Avry’s clothing. Those shirts don’t just smell familiar—they carry Avry’s unique scent, the scent Honey has learned to love, recognize, and protect. To Honey, that scent represents her person. It is the foundation of the bond they are building together and the reason scent plays such an important role in her work as Avry’s service dog. Honey isn’t simply memorizing a smell; she is learning the unique chemical language of Avry’s body so she can faithfully walk beside her, providing safety, confidence, and companionship wherever life takes them.

Coming home from

The hospital, I had this realization:  HOW do I walk this little girl through the next transition?? How can I offer her tools to courageously  walk thro this world??  I see two very different potential versions of her. 

Always scared and not trusting anyone. Hiding behind me or a hermit in the corner. OR walking through this world with her differences and using those deficits to her advantage to hold a light for others who are on similar paths. And the realization that it largely land on me as her mother. 🙉🙈🙉 I thought we were through the hard. Turns out it’s just a different hard!! Whew! 

I remind myself God created her to be my child with these unique needs and I haven’t shrunk back yet from a challenge, why now?? Is it heavy? Unbelievably. And I have the tools and the resources to find the tools to offer her what she needs!  Her light is way too bright to have dimmed by my inability to rise to the challenge. Do I want to? It sure would be easier to just coast and let what happens, happen. But what I’ve learned is  intentional, successful parenting isn’t a default setting.  It’s intentional learning and practicing and resetting and never giving up.  It’s also not perfection. It’s a balance that requires heavenly wisdom.  Honey is one of those tools for her!  She is going to enable her to

Go to school and feel safe in a world that has felt anything but safe.   

The plan is for honey to come home the end of next month! It’s a massive commitment but one that each of us are making for the sake of Avry Jo.   

Miss Shelley has become a stable presence in our life and we are so grateful for God leading us to them!  She said something so profound last weekend ‘Rose, Avry is going to walk thro this world  as confidently as you walk because she’s watching you. You got this, Rose. You’re her mother.’ 

What a healing balm!! That kind of encouragement reaches so very very far!! I will take that with me forever.  Miss Shelley has added so much value to my life already and we’re just getting started!  Thank you God 🙏

Avry will turn 5 next month! I remember when she was diagnosed at 31/2 and looking at the treatment schedule and grieving the loss of part of her childhood knowing she would be 5 when we finish treatment❤️‍🩹. There’s something so magical about those years from 3-5…

I just remember so well crying my heart out  to Jake at that realization in the early days after diagnosis! And here we are…

She getting the best birthday gift ever!! She gets to ring the bell signifying the end of cancer treatment the day after she turns 5!  We are beyond excited for the ceremony and the celebration to follow that marks this milestone! She can’t wait to have honey attend the ceremony. 

Planning her celebration has kept our minds busy. Scan-xiety is a really thing. All the precious moments you can’t help but wonder if they’re your last. You memorize every detail and take in all the moments… That sounds alarmingly negative. But that’s the reality of stage 4; High Risk Neuroblastoma.  You hope for the best and believe the best but it’s the reality of this most aggressive cancer… there’s 60- 70% survival rate and equally 70% relapse rate.    So while we focus on hope and focus on progress, we validate the fear and the unknown.   

I asked Jake, what if we don’t get the results we are praying for? What if it’s not eradicated?  He said we  still celebrate! We celebrate anyways. Because that doesn’t take away from the fact that we made it this far! No, the celebration we have planned will

Look a lot different. But that’s doesn’t cancel out Avrys courage, resilience, and bravery! It doesn’t cancel the fact we’re a family of 4 and we’re still standing! It doesn’t cancel the goodness of God and the friends who have carried us!  

Most of our support  group will be here that weekend!!! It is so special to have them celebrate with us. We have around 30 people flying in from out of state!  We are speechless! 

This is overwhelming love!!!  

And this isn’t family. It’s friends who have rallied around us 😭 we feel so undeserving of their presence and support and cannot imagine the year without them!  We look at our support group and see the faithfulness of God.  People who allowed themselves to care; to be used of God! Maybe our story doesn’t look anything like we imagined. But God is in the redeeming business and this group of cheerleaders has brought so much healing and 

Comfort and while we can never replay the debt, we are committed to paying it forward. 

Please hold us close over the next free days.  Thursday is prep day for the big day. Friday she will be under anesthesia for at least 6 hours and will wake up I’m so much pain post surgery.  Nothing prepares your heart for that… she’s old enough to understand in part the next few days and has been my shadow this week as it is scary to go back to the hospital.  Then we wait till our meeting with the drs on Monday to find out the results of the scans. The next few days feels insurmountable. And what  We also known be true is God and your prayers have carries us this far. Please hold us close over the next days. We are believing and praying for clear scans at the end of her cancer treatment. 

-our story for God’s glory 

Please tag us if you wear your Avry Jo shirt in support of our warrior girl on Friday!