Im not really okay. I can’t believe we’ve come this far. And I can’t believe we’re stepping back into the front line  of the war zone all over again. It makes me tummy twist till it pains me into swallowing repeatedly till the hot tears start to spill and I’m a mess all over again. Every ounce of my flesh screams NO! I don’t want to go back! I don’t want to put her through that hell again. I don’t want to leave home and our comfy  beds and comforting warmth and again abandon the healthy child. Sometimes I wonder if my mama heart has just gone cold and if I can even feel at all- and then there are times where I melt and break into 1 million pieces and I know in fact I feel it all so raw and vividly.  Yes- I know. I could use thoughts of. ‘ but I get to fight… I get to go back… I get to offer her a second chance at  a future…’. But tonight I’m Gona just allow myself to grieve and feel the weight. Because that’s how you best prepare for the fight.  You can either stuff them down till they blow up in your face or you can sit in them and acknowledge the  gritty and offer yourself, grace and compassion by validation.  It’s not allowing your thoughts to run you and rule you and ruin you. It’s still choosing your thoughts and  building trust with yourself by validating yourself that will send signals to your nervous system-  that you are in a safe space to process.  It’s so important to put your own oxygen mask on first and care for yourself so you can care for those who depend on you. #cancermama  #traumacoach  #traumainformed #mamatoawarrior🎗️#selfawarenessispower  #psychologypractitioner  #processingoutloud