My feelings on the word "journey" in discussions of infertility, surrogacy, and cancer

Hi friends and family,

Many of you know how I feel about the word "journey" to describe infertility and surrogacy (not good). That holds true now with cancer. Change.org makes it super easy to start a petition, so I just created one around this topic:

Remove the word "journey" in discussions of infertility, surrogacy, and cancer

If you don't want to click through, here's some of the writing from it (created with my inputs into Change.org's AI function, and highly augmented and edited by yours truly):

I have personally experienced infertility, surrogacy, and, sadly, now cancer. Throughout these incredibly challenging times, I have noticed a trend: the use of the word "journey" to describe these experiences. This term minimizes the profound trauma involved and implies a voluntary or positive experience, which is far from the truth.

Infertility is a disease. It's not a path filled with forward momentum, rainbows, and butterflies; it's often a years-long ordeal involving endless waiting, heartbreak, and — for some — dead ends. Referring to it as a "journey" glosses over the pain and struggles those affected endure.

Surrogacy is typically the last resort for those desperate to have a child. It is an intensely stressful medical, legal, and emotional process, not to mention a path taken after many heartbreaks — and one with no guarantees. Labeling it a "journey" turns it into a cliché, rather than recognizing the gravity of the situation and the enormous toll it takes. Even for those who have the best possible experiences and outcomes, like I did with my incredible surrogate (gestational carrier) who helped bring us our miracle baby boy, the process itself is filled with obstacles, delays, anxiety, and fear. All of this is alongside hope, which can somehow hurt us most of all. I know there are some people who don't mind the word "journey" in this situation, and that is fine for them, but I know more people who feel as I do about it.

Cancer is a life-threatening illness. The term "journey" attempts to romanticize the suffering, diluting the reality of battling an aggressive disease that affects not only the individual but their loved ones too. Cancer is not a road trip; it's a war. We don't want to be strong warriors on a "journey;" we want to be normal people living our lives.

Words matter, and the language we use shapes perceptions. Referring to these struggles as a "journey" can undermine the seriousness of these situations and the emotional and physical toll they take on individuals. It’s time for us to change the narrative and adopt language that truly reflects the severity and challenges of these experiences. Words I tend to use are "experience," "process," and "path," and sometimes "navigating [infertility/surrogacy/cancer]."

I urge media outlets, healthcare professionals, and the general public to rethink their language and remove the word "journey" when discussing infertility, surrogacy, and cancer — and other challenging medical situations. Doing so will contribute to a more honest and empathetic portrayal of these difficult experiences.


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