Hair. It’s an innocuous thing, unless one does not have it. I’ve been shaving my head on and off for decades. I can’t remember why, but I claimed the hair on Christyna’s head as “mine.” I’ve always envied it. How lush and abundant and curly it is! We were in Chicago a couple Christmases ago and it turned wavy from the cold dryness. Even then, it was fun!

I’ve been doing Christyna’s (MY) hair (on Christyna’s head) since the surgery. It’s a strangely intimate thing. She asks me to get this cream or that oil and how to comb it then how to apply this cream or that oil. I do it faithfully intentioned. I don’t do it right. That’s not a problem with Christyna. She loves the attention even when I take too much hair in the comb and it snags. I play with her that I’m going to take 100 strokes to comb it. She calls my bluff knowing I don’t have the patience. Maybe one day I’ll do it from stubbornness. 

I’ve asked Christyna to shave my head. She doesn’t like it. I don’t blame her, head wounds bleed a lot, and a nick from a razor is the worst! I’ve grown a beard in cold weather at Christyna’s request. We got married when I had a beard. I kept it even though I was uncomfortably hot. 

I take care of the hair in this partnership. Others supply the art. This is an original from her aunt. She got a really cool collage as a postcard, too. And then there are the support cards from the Bye, Bye Boobies (or toodles to the tatas or farewell to the funbags or au revoir to the areolas etc etc and so forth) party. Then the food, with extra love! 

Before this experience with Christyna’s, I assumed radiation and chemotherapy were standard. I braced for thinning hair for Christyna. Breast cancer is a serious beast even when it’s the most vanilla kind. We’re a little beyond 2 weeks since the initial treatment and things are going very well. Christyna is getting more mobility and stamina back every single day. It’s inspiring to watch her. It’s humbling to be with her. It’s an honor to be part of her chosen people. 

The fear and worry keeps dissipating with us. Recovery is guaranteed. I keep reminding myself and Christyna that whatever breakdown or roadblock comes up is only temporary. She’s got another 4 weeks until we can even consider PT. She is balancing work and rest wonderfully while providing leadership to communities. We have come so far and have a ways to go. There are edges to discover and pain to be dealt with. There will be both tears and laughter. There will be days that will require shampoo, conditioner, hair goop, and/or hair oil. 

Relationships are not “wash, rinse, repeat.” They keep constant tending to- Like my hair, on Christyna’s head. Thank you for tending to Us and Christyna. 

Ryan