What i carry with me

My open suitcases had been sitting on the bedroom floor for at least a week. I couldn't pack. I wouldn't decide what to take with me. Yes I added clothes and things, tossing them in the general area, but it remained a pile of stuff, haunting me from across the room. Filling me with dis-ease. 

3 days til exit; 
I tried to focus, yet... outside my window, filtered through the trees, the sky was pulsing in vibrant, purple pinks and reds. It called to me and pulled me away. Outside. Into my car. I couldn't pack..  i had to say goodbye to the giant coastal sunset sky, with my dear neighbor,  the Pacific.

I rolled down the hill to the Saunders pull out and to my delight, i was alone.  Stepping out of my car, it hit me like the ocean air.

I cried. 

Sobbed. 

For all the reasons. Not just over the bad, but the beautiful; this mind blowing support of friends and community which is so hard to leave. Loud ,ugly cries. So much so that it startled an owl out of a tree. Which startled me.

My cries subsided.

I sat down at the end of the road, looked to the shifting sky and thought about having the sight of an owl to see the path ahead, even in the dark.. 

I took it as a good sign. 

Friends, you are like that owl, helping me see through this dark time. Im not leaving that. Im packing it up and taking it with me. Your love, words of comfort, your generosity, shared experiences and tears,  it all fits! Its light as a feather, yet far outweighs my fears. 

This road that i'm on, which leads me away, also is the same road that will bring me home. I know now i am not alone. You are with me on this pilgrimage of health. I am blessed and I am ready. 

I finished packing yesterday.  I filled my car with my suitcases and shoes, locally made quilt and hat and goddess grown golden delicious apples. Precious gifts of cards and warm snuggles, encouragement,  strength, love, community.  ..Its all in there and coming with me. 

Thanks for being there.
Thanks for being here . 
I love you.